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Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Px8d
There are split views regarding use of mobile phones for children. Many people support that use of cell phones should be prohibited for kids during their academics; while, other group of individuals differ with this view. If asked, I strongly support the later view. My inclination is justified in the ensuing write-ups. There are several arguments to support my point of view. The first and foremost one is that students can solve their queries about their studies by using internet on phones. In other words, mobile phones become the easiest device to access internet. Therefore, if children have any kind of question,   theycan search it on browser. Another argument is that kids can relax their minds. To illustrate, children have very hectic schedule during their school days, that is why they need some refreshment after studying. So, some activities of mobiles such as games and funny videos can make their moods light. For example, there is a survey which was conducted by Cambridge University in 2016; it revealed that 47% students revived themselves from examination pressure because of cell phones. On the contrary, there are numerous reasons to explain another viewpoint. The common one is that students divert from their academic. To elaborate, kids who use phones during their school days; they loose their focus from study which affects their results. Another cause is that mobile is affecting health of children. To reformulate, due to having harmful rays in mobile screen, kids are loosing their visions in present days. For instance, 69% students are suffering from diseases related to eyes because of excessive use of cell phones. In conclusion, although mobile phones can take away students from study and affect human health; I firmly believe that cell phones can be useful during their academics because of vast knowledge on internet and relaxation medium. I suggest that phones should be used for limited time in the day.
There
are split
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be prohibited
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
during their academics; while, other group of individuals differ with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. If asked, I
strongly
support the later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. My inclination
is justified
in the ensuing write-ups.

There are several arguments to support my point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. The
first
and foremost one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can solve their queries about their studies by using internet on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
In other words
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
become the easiest device to access internet.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have any kind of question,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake found.
theycan
search it on browser. Another argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can relax their minds. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic schedule during their school days,
that is
why they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
refreshment after studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities of mobiles such as games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
videos can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their moods light.
For example
, there is a survey which
was conducted
by Cambridge University in 2016; it revealed that 47%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
revived themselves from examination pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
phones.

On the contrary
, there are numerous reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
another viewpoint. The common one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
divert from their academic. To elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
during their school days; they
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their focus from study which affects their results. Another cause is that mobile is affecting health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To reformulate, due to having harmful rays in mobile screen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are loosing their visions in present days.
For instance
, 69%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are suffering from diseases related to eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
phones.

In conclusion
, although mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can take away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from study and affect human health; I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be useful during their academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of vast knowledge on internet and relaxation medium. I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for limited time in the day.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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