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Some people believe that children leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that children leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. RNl7P
A handful of people ponder that it is highly paramount that offspring’s free time activities should related to academics. Therefor it is totally waste of time when they run other activities. My conviction tends me to completely disagree with this notion. The predominant justification to support my point of view is that it is irrefutable that education plays crucial role in every bodies life, but if student do all their activities related to education then they get bored and they are unable to fully concentrate on their studies due to which some time student decide to discontinues their study. But if they do othe recreational activities along with study they they alleviate their stress and feel rejuvenate. With the help of it they find their study enjoyable and it does not seem tiresome. Thence, students should put education along with recreational activities at the top of their priority list. Nevertheless, if activities of people become educational then it put their mental as well as physical health in jeopardy because student get depressed and they became bookworm. They ignored to participate in other activities like art, sport and so on. so student need to take part in other activities which provide immense pleasure to them. So ultimately with the help of it they enjoy their life fullest. In conclusion, although this tendency are fruitful for those students who are weak in study, I firmly believe all the children leisure activities can not be educational because it enhance their stress and they become book warm.
A handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ponder that it is
highly
paramount that offspring’s free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "relate"
related
to academics. Therefor it is
totally
waste of time when they run other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. My conviction tends me to completely disagree with this notion.

The predominant justification to support my point of view is that it is irrefutable that education plays crucial role in every
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "bodies'" or "body's"?
bodies
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
do all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
related to education then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bored and
they are unable to
fully


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
concentrate
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
due to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
decide to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "discontinue".
discontinues
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they do
Possible spelling mistake found.
othe
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Possible typo: you repeated a word
they they
alleviate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and feel rejuvenate. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it they find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
enjoyable and it does not seem tiresome. Thence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should put education along with recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at the top of their priority list.

Nevertheless
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become educational then it put their mental
as well
as physical health in jeopardy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
depressed and
they became bookworm. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
to participate in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like art, sport and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which provide immense pleasure to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
ultimately
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it they enjoy their life fullest.

In conclusion
, although
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean: "this tendency is"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this tendency are
fruitful for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are weak in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, I
firmly
believe all the children leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can not be educational
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
they become book warm.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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