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Many governments spent a lot of money on art. Some people think that this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many governments spent a lot of money on art. Some people think that this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. 9L7nW
In present years, governments have been spending huge budget on art such as music. It is believed by few people that investment in this department is irrelevant by authorities whereas others reckon that health and education department can only be improved if the enormous amount would be allocated in this sector. Both viewpoints will be examined throughout this essay and will also highlight their importance. To begin with, spending a good amount on education increases the literacy rate that will be helpful for holistic development. Consequently, students can perform various experiments if they get proper equipment in the laboratory which is possible only with financial support from the local government. Recently, In India, the administration has released a hefty amount for quality education as well as for modern classrooms that will aid to improve the academic result. Moving forward to health, however, the world health organization had fixed a budget for every nation that will support to reduce serious concern on healthcare segment, some countries still have not inclined towards this area that might adversely affect the future. On the other hand, neglecting the importance of art will be dangerous because art can produce a positive atmosphere through music, dancing and many others as it is one of the interesting subjects in the past couple of years by which it showcased a healthy environment. For instance, In India, the central government had been given an instruction to state body in which it is suggested to must provide 20% of their revenue amount towards this particular area. Because of that, the country got 14th ranks in happiness index last month. In conclusion, I would say that the government should equally distribute their attention to health, education and craft department so that this will give better result in the future. Hence, equal contribution of funds would be a milestone.
In present years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have been spending huge budget on art such as music. It
is believed
by few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that investment in this department is irrelevant by authorities whereas others reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
department can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if the enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
would
be allocated
in this sector. Both viewpoints will
be examined
throughout this essay and will
also
highlight their importance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, spending a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increases the literacy rate that will be helpful for holistic development.
Consequently
, students can perform various experiments if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper equipment in the laboratory which is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with financial support from the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Recently, In India, the administration has released a hefty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
for quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as well
as for modern classrooms that will aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the academic result. Moving forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
however
, the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
organization had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
a budget for every nation that will support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
serious concern on healthcare segment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
still
have not inclined towards this area that might
adversely
affect the future.

On the other hand
, neglecting the importance of art will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
art can produce a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
atmosphere through music, dancing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others as it is one of the interesting subjects in the past couple of years by which it showcased a healthy environment.
For instance
, In India, the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an instruction to state body in which it
is suggested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide 20% of their revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
towards this particular area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
14th ranks in happiness index last month.

In conclusion
, I would say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
equally
distribute their attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and craft department
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this will give better result in the future.
Hence
, equal contribution of funds would be a milestone.
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IELTS essay Many governments spent a lot of money on art. Some people think that this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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