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Some people believe that children are given too much freetime. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people think that youngsters are having so much leisure time and this time could be spent with more school work. I think that school work is crucial for children but spending free time on other activities may be more beneficial for them. Some people suggest that children should spend their free time on school work. Although this suggestion is beneficial for their grades, this can lead to some problems. For instance, children who are forced to do more homework in their free time are becoming less sociable. Also more work increases their stress level so allowing them to be free in their leisure time may lead to an increase in their happiness. I think that children should spend their free time with their friends in the parks or they can spend their time on activities that they enjoy doing the most. Playing in the park with their friends contributes to their social skills in a positive way. Also, they can do a variety of things that they enjoy such as, playing with their toys or drawing pictures. These activities may increase their creativity. Another benefit of having free time without extra school work could be that children may find hobbies that are enjoyable to do. So there are many fun and enjoyable activities that kids can do in their free time to keep them fruitfully occupied. In conclusion, even though studying for school work in children’s free time could be useful, there are also negative sides to that choice and spending time on other activities like playing with friends or spending time on art could have more positive impacts on them
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Many
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people
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think
that youngsters are having
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so
much leisure
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time
and this
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time
could
be spent
with more
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school
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work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is crucial for
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending
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free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may be more beneficial for them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Although this suggestion is beneficial for their grades, this can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
For instance
,
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children
who
are forced
to do more homework in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are becoming less sociable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
more
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work
increases their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
allowing them to be
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free
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may lead to an increase in their happiness.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends in the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parks or
they can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that they enjoy doing the most. Playing in the park with their friends contributes to their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
Also
, they can do a variety of things that they enjoy such as, playing with their toys or drawing pictures. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may increase their creativity. Another benefit of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could be that
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children
may find hobbies that are enjoyable to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fun and enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that kids can do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
fruitfully
occupied.

In conclusion
,
even though
studying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could be useful, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides to that choice and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing with friends or spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on art could have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on them
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much freetime. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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