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Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. KwnkL
Celebrating personal events is expensive and unnecessary activity for some individuals, because there are big national holidays and better to save money for them. Opposite are the fans of celebrating who believe that personal events are very important ones, when the family and all friends can gather together. To my point of view, celebrating personal events is good idea, because such events happen not so often, and it is own small holiday. For some people, personal celebrating plays not big role, because there are big national holidays and it is better to save money for them. Celebrating always means spending a lot of money for foods, drinks, festive activity and some people prefer to keep funds and spend them later for bigger holidays. Avoiding celebration of personal events for some people means to accumulate some money for better celebration big family holidays. In case if some people had more financial resources, they would celebrate more. People, who always celebrate personal events, think that such events are crucial important because it is evidence to meet all family members, relatives or friends. It is pleasure time to spend together and enjoy talk with each other or just to see close chums. From my point of view, personal events are necessary holidays, because they bring festive feelings to everyone and they remind the people that it is time to have a rest and enjoyment. In conclusion, some people are really into in celebrating, however some of them ignore the personal events thinking about money. I cannot image my life without celebrating and believe that personal events are big part of my life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is expensive and unnecessary activity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and better to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for them. Opposite are the fans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ones, when the family and all friends can gather together. To my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
happen not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
holiday.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
plays not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
role,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
and it is better to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrating
always means spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for foods, drinks, festive activity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
funds and spend them later for bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. Avoiding celebration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
to accumulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for better celebration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. In case if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had more financial resources, they would celebrate more.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
, who always celebrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is evidence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all family members, relatives or friends. It is pleasure time to spend together and enjoy talk with each other or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
close chums.

From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they bring festive feelings to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everyone and
they remind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it is time to have a rest and enjoyment.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
into in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
,
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I cannot image my life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
part of my life.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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