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Some people believe that by virtue of improvement of medical care, life expectancy is growing. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend will outstrip disadvantages.

Some people believe that by virtue of improvement of medical care, life expectancy is growing. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend will outstrip disadvantages. 0BO5B
The advancement in medical treatments due to ever evolving technologies has a positive effect on average life expectancy of people. Generally, there are both advantages and disadvantages to this. I personally feel that this development has benefits which outweigh the disadvantages. In the olden days many people would die due to lack of technology and advanced medicine. For instance, there were a lot of casualties due to a disease called smallpox especially in third world countries. However, it is now eradicated with the help of a vaccine which was developed with improved medical and research fields. The increased life expectancy due to developed medical care also affects a family, for example the death of an important person due to lack of modern medical care in a family could affect the other members if they were dependent on him/her. Some people could argue that increased life expectancy can have drawbacks. They claim that this would lead to an increase in the overall population since the number of births would be more than the number of deaths. Also medical healthcare facilities could mean higher medical costs than usual which could affect the poor and middle class of people adversely. But, I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The rise in population can be controlled by raising awareness on family planning rather than blaming it on the longer life expectancy. Government has various medical relief plans which could keep the hospital bill in check. In conclusion, the longer life expectancy as a result of the advancements in the field of healthcare has both benefits and drawbacks. I strongly feel that the benefits overshadow the drawbacks.
The advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to ever evolving technologies has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Generally
, there are both advantages and disadvantages to this. I
personally
feel that this development has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
which outweigh the disadvantages.

In the olden days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of technology and advanced medicine.
For instance
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
casualties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to a disease called smallpox
especially
in third world countries.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
eradicated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a vaccine which
was developed
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
and research fields. The increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care
also
affects a family,
for example
the death of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care in a family could affect the other members if they were dependent on him/her.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could argue that increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. They claim that this would lead to an increase in the
overall
population since the number of births would be more than the number of deaths.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
healthcare facilities could mean higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
costs than usual which could affect the poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adversely
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. The rise in population can
be controlled
by raising awareness on family planning
rather
than blaming it on the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
relief plans which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the hospital bill in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

In conclusion
, the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
as a result
of the advancements in the field of healthcare has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. I
strongly
feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
overshadow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that by virtue of improvement of medical care, life expectancy is growing. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend will outstrip disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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