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Some people believe that Best to accept it bad situations such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money while other argue that It is necessary to take a action against to this behaviour

Some people believe that Best to accept it bad situations such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money while other argue that It is necessary to take a action against to this behaviour DVQPA
There is no doubt that vast majority of people do not like to change their what was the situation related to unlike work and less amount of fund while, countless masses take action to improve their situation. In relation to it, this essay will shed light on both views along with my opinion which favour latter notion because this behaviour improve their situations and create more chance of self-development. Supporters of former view claim that they do not try to change their unsatisfied jobs because of huge competition. Undoubtably, in the modern times competition among the people increase day by day due to this, individuals do not like to argue in the workplace because they think if they take any action they will lost their job and face a lot of problem in further life. Moreover, unemployment is also the one reason why people except the worst situation. For example, it is generally seen that in India a lot of people are unemployed and they face problem related to finance due to this behaviour people do not like to face that type of situation in their life. Hence lack of opportunities in the work encourage people to find with their unlike job. However, most of people take action in the case of dissatisfaction at the workplace and also do a lot of work to improve their monetary issues. The fact that people have self-confidence which encourage to them to put more efforts for improving their satisfaction. This behaviour creates more chance of better employment. For example, it is generally seen that those people who to take action in bad situation they become successful in their later life. Thus, hard work is the key of success. To conclude, although people are fine with the unsatisfied situation because they do not try to improve this is due to lack of confidence and a high competition, I personally believe that people will never fail who try to improve their lifestyle.
There is no doubt that vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their what was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
related to unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and less amount of fund while, countless masses take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. In relation to it, this essay will shed light on both views along with my opinion which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
latter notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
and create more chance of self-development.

Supporters of former view claim that they do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their unsatisfied jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of huge competition.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Undoubtably
, in the modern times competition among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase day by day due to this, individuals do not like to argue in the workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if they take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "lose"
lost
their job and face
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of problems".
a lot of problem
in
further
life.
Moreover
, unemployment is
also
the one reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
except the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
For example
, it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployed and
they face problem related to finance due to this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to face that type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in their life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
lack of opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find with their unlike job.

However
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
in the case of dissatisfaction at the workplace and
also
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their monetary issues. The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have self-confidence which encourage to them to put more efforts for improving their satisfaction. This
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
creates more chance of better employment.
For example
, it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
they become successful in their later life.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the key of success.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fine with the unsatisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
this is due to lack of confidence and a high competition, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will never fail who try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their lifestyle.

IELTS essay Some people believe that Best to accept it bad situations such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money while other argue that It is necessary to take a action against to this behaviour

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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