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celebrities merits and drawbacks

celebrities merits and drawbacks OlXXN
Although being a celebrity has many merits, it still has some drawbacks. Personally, I reckon that financial and moral pros that celebrity has outweigh troubles that they may face. In spite of the fact that famous people have minor obstacles, they have many benefits. In the light of previous statement, it's an easier mission to find an attractive contract financially in case you were a celebrity. Being celebrity means being wealth; therefore, ability to face life complications and demand is very high. Moreover, since many people are affected drastically with well-known people advices, advertising company employ celebrities at their advertisements to merchandise their products. Consequently, this phenomenon would increase the prosperity of celebrities, and ensure a high-quality life conditions. On the other hand, since renowned people have a reputation between people, this generates a serenity feeling to famous people. Individual would not live peacefully unless he was respectful between people; therefore, being a famous entity leads to stable and satisfying life. Furthermore, authorities can't intervene with every simple conflict to resolve it; otherwise consequences would be sever for societies. Since governments don't have any option besides jail, famous people play a pivotal role in social problems resolving which made them eligible to be a governmental officer or a parliament member in the future. In conclusion, while vast majority of people claim that celebrities has many advantages, some think that they have many drawbacks. Personally, I think their life is full with merits except their privacy invasion.
Although being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits, it
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Personally
, I reckon that financial and moral pros that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
has
Use past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
troubles that they may face.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have minor obstacles, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. In the light of previous statement, it's an easier mission to find an attractive contract
financially
in case you were a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
means being wealth;
therefore
, ability to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
complications and demand is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
Moreover
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
drastically
with well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advices, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
at their advertisements to merchandise their products.
Consequently
, this phenomenon would increase the prosperity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, and ensure a high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
conditions.

On the other hand
, since renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a reputation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this generates a serenity feeling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Individual would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
unless he was respectful between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
therefore
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
entity leads to stable and satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, authorities can't intervene with every simple conflict to resolve it;
otherwise
consequences would be sever for societies. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
don't have any option
besides
jail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play a pivotal role in social problems resolving which made them eligible to be a governmental officer or a parliament member in the future.

In conclusion
, while
It seems that an article is missing.
vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
merits except their privacy invasion.
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IELTS essay celebrities merits and drawbacks

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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