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Some people believe that because children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy, they should be optional instead of being mandatory. To what extent do you agree?

Some people believe that because children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy, they should be optional instead of being mandatory. gJwa
Certain individuals assert that mathematics and philosophy for children should be optional rather than mandatory. Since philosophy and mathematics are specific areas of subjects, I agree with the statement, because children should choose subjects that are relevant to their major. Also, some of them may not be interested in these areas of subjects and lose motivation. First of all, children should choose subjects that are relevant to their major. If they study all the necessary subjects relevant to their major, they may allocate their time more effectively and internalize the target material better and ensure good grades and outstanding academic performance. As a result, after graduation, youngsters can have solid specialist knowledge and stand a good chance of employment. For example, my cousin had chosen and studied mathematics and computer science at school. Now, he has become a programmer and earns a lot of money, with the help of which he can cover all his expenses, but also enjoy the luxuries of life. In addition, if children study mathematics or philosophy at school, it might be uninteresting for them. This will cause them to lose their motivation towards the classes and sometimes they may miss them. As a result, this will become just a waste of time. If the subject is interesting for the student, he or she will have a motivation to study it and all other subjects. For example, one of my best friends was studying physics. He was struggling and eventually, he lost his motivation towards physics and all subjects. As a result, he failed all his exams at the end of the year. To conclude, these two subjects may not be compulsory for some percent of people. But for the other part, they will be important and relevant to their major.
Certain individuals assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be optional
rather
than mandatory. Since philosophy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
are specific areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relevant
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may not
be interested
in these areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and lose motivation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relevant
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
. If they study all the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relevant
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
, they may allocate their time more
effectively
and internalize the target material better and ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades and outstanding academic performance.
As a result
, after graduation, youngsters can have solid specialist knowledge and stand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of employment.
For example
, my cousin had chosen and studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and computer science at school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, he has become a programmer and earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of which he can cover all his expenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy the luxuries of life.

In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
or philosophy at school, it might be uninteresting for them. This will cause them to lose their motivation towards the classes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they may miss them.
As a result
, this will become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is interesting for the student, he or she will have a motivation to study it and all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, one of my best friends was studying physics. He was struggling and
eventually
, he lost his motivation towards physics and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
As a result
, he failed all his exams at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.

To conclude
, these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may not be compulsory for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for the other part, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relevant
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that because children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy, they should be optional instead of being mandatory.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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