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Some people believe that arts like music and paintings should not be funded by the government. Others believe that these are important for a society and need government funding. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that arts like music and paintings should not be funded by the government. Others believe that these are important for a society and need government funding. What is your opinion? 0AGEG
Many people feel that talents like music and drawings should not be supported financially by the authorities. Whereas, others believe these skills are beneficial for a community and the government should raise funds. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the state should finance artists due to various reasons. To begin with, one of the reason I agree is that, art is a basic human need. Many people lives richer because of their artistic skills such as music, paintings, calligraphy, pictures and dance. Even though, some people has a good taste in these talents and find a earning from that. For example, musicians like A. R Rahman and Michael Jackson got famous and they achieved world-wide recognition through their magical talent in music. Although, artists can be good for the economy by producing films, albums and attracting the tourists. Another reason to support my opinion is that, Everybody needs beauty and entertainment in their life, but everyone cannot afford a painting or a piece of music. So, the government should provide money for museums and concerts hall for everyone. To illustrate, people spend huge amount of money in music shows. whereas, others have a hobby of collecting expensive pictures from the painting fest. It is the responsibility of the people in power to invest in these arts that are important to their citizens and to future generations. To conclude, In my view point, arts allows people to express themselves which is good for a society, culture and thought. The political party should allocate some of their budget for art.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that talents like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and drawings should not
be supported
financially
by the authorities. Whereas, others believe these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are beneficial for a community and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should raise funds. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the state should finance artists due to various reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the reason I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a basic human need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
richer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, paintings, calligraphy, pictures and dance.
Even though
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste in these talents and find
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
earning from that.
For example
, musicians like A. R Rahman and Michael Jackson
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
famous and
they achieved world-wide recognition through their magical talent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Although, artists can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the economy by producing films, albums and attracting the tourists.

Another reason to support my opinion is that, Everybody needs beauty and entertainment in their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone cannot afford a painting or a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide money for museums and concerts hall for everyone. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend huge amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, others have a hobby of collecting expensive pictures from the painting fest. It is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in power to invest in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to their citizens and to future generations.

To conclude
, In my view point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to express themselves which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a society, culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. The political party should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that arts like music and paintings should not be funded by the government. Others believe that these are important for a society and need government funding. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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