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Some people believe that allowing chilren to maketheir own choices on everyday matters such as food ,clothes and entertainment is likely to reslt in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for chilren to make decisions about matters that affect them.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

To what extent children should be given freedom of choices on everyday issues like food, clothes, TV programmes and free time activities has sparked heated debate. With unlimited freedom according to many, children are likely to become self-centered and they think of their own desires only. However others believe children should make their own decisions as it helps grow a sense of responsibility in them. But, in my opinion, parents ought to dictate their children's choice so as to make them more consious of others. Children who have absolute freedom in daily matters, start believing that they can do whatever they want. And when those children grow up, they are likely to believe that their own wishes are important while everything else is secondary. Consequently, they become egocentric adults resulting in a society of selfish individuals. On the contrary, chilren who are allowed to make their own decisions will naturally develop a keen sense of responsibility. That is to say, they will learn to take responsibility for their own actions. Also this practice help them develop problem -solving skills through trial and error. The rationale behind the view is that natural consequences are the best teacher. However i firmly believe that parents should often dictate children's choice as these children are not fully mature and capable of making suitable decisions. Many a time, chilren's decisions are not based on experienceor knowledge. A case in point is junk food which is detrimental to health, but a favourite to most chilren. If given the freedom, many children will prefer to eat fast food all day long. If parents allow them to eat such junk food regularly, chilren will become morbidly obese, which in turn will increase the risk of heart disease and reduce their life-span. Therefore, parents should give dietary advice and often control what their offsprings eat. To conclude, how much liberty students should be given on everyday matters is a controversial topic. Although decision -making rights help them in slme ways, i think parents ought to dictate their choices to some extent so that they can make the right choices and they can learn to honour others opinion and decision.
To what extent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
on everyday issues like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clothes, TV
Possible spelling mistake. ‘programmes’ is British English.
programmes
and free time activities has sparked heated debate. With unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to become
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
self-centered and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
grow a sense of responsibility in them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to dictate their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
‘So as to’ expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using “to”
so as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more
Possible spelling mistake found.
consious
of others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who have absolute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
in daily matters,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing that they can do whatever they want. And when those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up, they are likely to believe that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
while everything else is secondary.
Consequently
, they become egocentric adults resulting in a society of selfish individuals.
On the contrary
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
will
naturally
develop a keen sense of responsibility.
That is
to say, they will learn to take responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
actions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
this practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop problem -solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through trial and error. The rationale behind the view is that natural consequences are the best teacher.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
dictate children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
fully
mature and capable of making suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
a time,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are not based on
Possible spelling mistake found.
experienceor
knowledge. A case in point is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is detrimental to health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
to most
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will prefer to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
all day long. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to eat such junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regularly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilren
will become
morbidly
obese, which in turn will increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their life-span.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give dietary advice and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
control what their offsprings eat.
To conclude
, how much liberty students should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on everyday matters is a controversial topic. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
-making rights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
Possible spelling mistake found.
slme
ways,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to dictate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choices and
they can learn to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘honour’ is British English.
honour
others opinion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing chilren to maketheir own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to reslt in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for chilren to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people believe that allowing chilren to maketheir own choices on everyday matters such as food ,clothes and entertainment is likely to reslt in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for chilren to make decisions about matters that affect them.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.