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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society on individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society on individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. qwma
Although it is sometimes thought that children ought to afforded to opted daily stuff, this method brings children to only think about their own wishes. However other people believe that they supposed to make a selection on essential matters. On the one hand, a number of people believe that children should be allowed to select typical matters for instance food, clothes and entertainment and I agree. In other word, children have to be tough gradually by their parents in making a decision about everyday stuff. This to train their brain and educate them about thinking skill which really required by them in daily life. As a result, the children can make a decision for their daily matter without asking someone for help or taking a longer duration to execute the selection. For instance, allowing children to select what dinner they want to have is a good start for them in making a decision. On the other hand, some people trusted that children have to afford the opportunity to make a decision that affects their lives. By doing this approach children are expected to be more matured in making a selection. By doing this, children will have their own goal and had a specific target for their life. For example, parents can ask their children what they want to do after finish a school session and provide several options for them to opt. This approach directly prevents them to get involved in unnecessary activities such as playing games. In conclusion, while many people are varied in their opinion, I think is better for all parents to teach their children to make a simple decision first before exposing them to make a tough decision. Children require time to be matured in making decision and parents should be a mentor for them as reference.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to afforded to opted daily stuff, this method brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they supposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a selection on essential matters.

On the one hand, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to select typical matters
for instance
food, clothes and entertainment and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be tough
gradually
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about everyday stuff. This to train their brain and educate them about thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
really
required by them in daily life.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
for their daily matter without asking someone for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or taking a longer duration to execute the selection.
For instance
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to select what dinner they want to have is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
for them in making a decision.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trusted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
afford the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
that affects their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. By doing this approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be more matured in making a selection. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goal and had a specific target for their life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
what they want to do after finish a school session and provide several options for them to opt. This approach
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in unnecessary activities such as playing games.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are varied
in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is better for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
exposing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
require time to
be matured
in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be a mentor for them as reference.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society on individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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