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nowadays some people claims that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using computers. Do you agree or disagree?

nowadays some people claims that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using computers. R318
It has been observed that in the current scenario most of the individual avoid to visit the public museums and art galleries for seeing ancient things and works because it is available on the internet. Therefore, most of the experts have opinion that these places not to be required. Hence, I believe so and completely agree with this situation. My arguments with the logical reasons are explained in the ensuing paragraphs. The first argument which I would love to put forth is that, due to the technology as well as introduction of World Wide Web provides greater flexibility to see anything related to the art pieces as well as ancient objects such as currencies and weapons. In addition to this, it is accessible at anywhere and at any places. Most importantly, to visit museums we require to pay some entry charges which is not necessary in the case of personal computers. Moreover, they not only provide the information related to traditional one but also provides the knowledge of foreign cultures. This is to say that, the local museums and galleries provides the objects and art pieces which are famous locally; however, in case of web we can surf anywhere in the world can see the traditional art objects without visiting that nations. As a result, it not only saves the time to visit but also saves a lot money as international tour demands high funds. Nonetheless, few have argues and they have their own claims to not to close these places. To begin with, they believe the human touch and personal presence a vital role. To elaborate, if individual see by their eyes and touch by their hand it leaves a greater impression and it is life living experience for them. Furthermore, these places generate the local employment and thus if these will closed, it will create financial problem for those who works in those places. In the light of discussion, in spite the fact that, there is one valid point such as human touch and unemployment; but, my arguments convince that computers and internet provide several benefits such as no entry charge, visit to each and every nook and corner of the world.
It has
been observed
that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario most of the individual avoid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the public museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries for seeing ancient things and works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is available on the internet.
Therefore
, most of the experts have opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
not to
be required
.
Hence
, I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this situation. My arguments with the logical reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the ensuing paragraphs.

The
first
argument which I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to put forth is that, due to the technology
as well
as introduction of World Wide Web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
greater flexibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
anything related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces
as well
as ancient objects such as currencies and weapons.
In addition
to this, it is accessible at anywhere and at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Most
importantly
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
museums we require to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entry charges which is not necessary in the case of personal computers.

Moreover
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the information related to traditional one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
the knowledge of foreign cultures. This is to say that, the local museums and galleries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
the objects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
locally
;
however
, in case of web we can surf anywhere in the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
objects without visiting that nations.
As a result
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves the time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
saves
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of money"?
a lot money
as international tour demands high funds.

Nonetheless, few have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
argues and
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
claims
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
close these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they believe the human touch and personal presence a vital role. To elaborate, if individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
by their eyes and touch by their hand it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a greater impression and it is life living experience for them.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
generate the local employment and
thus
if these will closed, it will create financial problem for those who works in those places.

In the light of discussion, in spite the fact that, there is one valid point such as human touch and unemployment;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, my arguments convince that computers and internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
several benefits such as no entry charge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to each and every nook and corner of the world.
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IELTS essay nowadays some people claims that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using computers.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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