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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. bR0P
Several people conceive that the consequence of children who make their decision from daily matters like food, clothes, and entertainment become selfish. On the other hand, they must be able to make their own choices. However, I believe that children who are given the freedom to make their own decisions by their parents will grow up to be self-sufficient adults. First of all, making decisions will help a child in resolving daily issues such as selecting a meal, clothes, and entertainment on their own. The children could choose what they want to eat, select their own outfit, or watch some videos on YouTube. It is because they have their own preferences and it is better for them to choose rather than have their parents make decisions for them. For example, allowing children to choose their own meal or buying some outfits without the assistance of their parents could help them make better choices. Furthermore, parents who exert control over their children’s choices will face difficulties in the future because the children will rely on them as a decision-maker. Nonetheless, they should be aware that their children will eventually make their own decisions. However, parents must also guide their children, as they will be the ones to make the final decisions. In conclusion, I strongly believe improving their decision-making skill on their own will have a positive impact on the children in the future, it could help them make better decisions in the future. Also, it is beneficial for their parents to advise them on what they should know before making a decision.
Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conceive that the consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
from daily matters like food, clothes, and entertainment become selfish.
On the other hand
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will grow up to be self-sufficient adults.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a child in resolving daily issues such as selecting a meal, clothes, and entertainment on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could choose what they want to eat, select their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
outfit, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
videos on YouTube. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferences and it is better for them to choose
rather
than have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for them.
For example
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meal or buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outfits without the assistance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better choices.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who exert control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
choices will face difficulties in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will rely on them as a decision-maker. Nonetheless, they should be aware that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they will be the ones to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the final decisions.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe improving their decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in the future.
Also
, it is beneficial for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to advise them on what they should know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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