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some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters can make them selfish. Others think that it is important . Discuss both views and give your opinion

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters can make them selfish. Others think that it is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion q0Pwr
When it comes to the phenomenon of, permitting juveniles to take decisions regarding their life, a range of masses stand with various sorts of views. While a sound number of individuals tend to take this issue as rosy, whereas, others seem to hold the opposite trend. However, I am going to outline both perspectives of this affair prior to giving a reasoned conclusion. To commence with the first notion a myriad of things to be shared in this favour. The first and foremost point is that, children will not second guess themselves before taking any decisions in future. Which will most likely lead them to become a confident person. Another worth mentioning point is that, kids will raise their voices whenever they will witness any mishaps, resulting in, a better human being. On the paradoxical side, it seems to be more likely come up with a couple of shortcomings. To begin with, younger may develop a misconception that they do not need any elderly people. This may lead them to be over mature. Another striking point is that, youngsters consider that they are always correct. To sum up, having both aspects of this affair, I would like to reiterate my thought that, I strongly agree with the latter view. Parents should decide till their child is not mature. However, guardians can let the child decide small things such as what dress to wear, what food to eat.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the phenomenon of, permitting juveniles to take decisions regarding their life, a range of masses stand with various sorts of views. While a sound number of individuals tend to take this issue as rosy, whereas, others seem to hold the opposite trend.
However
, I am going to outline both perspectives of this affair prior to giving a reasoned conclusion.

To commence with the
first
notion a myriad of things to
be shared
in this
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. The
first
and foremost point is that, children will not second guess themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any decisions
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will most likely lead them to become a confident person. Another worth mentioning point is that, kids will raise their voices whenever they will witness any mishaps, resulting in, a better human being.

On the paradoxical side, it seems to be more likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a couple of shortcomings. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, younger may develop a misconception that they do not need any elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This may lead them to be over mature. Another striking point is that, youngsters consider that they are always correct.

To sum up, having both aspects of this affair, I would like to reiterate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view. Parents should decide till their child is not mature.
However
, guardians can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the child decide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things such as what dress to wear, what food to eat.
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IELTS essay some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters can make them selfish. Others think that it is important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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