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Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence.Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence. M9dN
Few people believe that there culture is depend on their own country, while few other feel that there is a slight dependency. I personally feel that, Although my culture may defined by my country, it depends on my personal opinion and influence. In my country India, there are different cultures and traditions follows in different states. In Ap, people usually wear dhoti and kurta while people in Assam wear a kind of shirt and pant with a hat. The way of dressing depends on that particular climatic conditions and topography. That may turn into culture. But ultimately it is the people decision to follow which kind of dressing style. In india people generally eat roti and sabji while in China they eat noodles. people way of life style is depend on their country. Roti and sabji is being eaten by the North Indians roti generally heat which protects from cold environment there. I strongly feel that there might be a reason for china to eat noodles. Both, there is no limitation for eat noodles in india and roti in China. In conclusion, Although culture depends on their own country, following them will purely depend on persons opinion. Culture follows by the country people from long long years ago. It will be habituated in their blood. But, it one may feel that there is not necessary to follow that culture, it only brings a minor influence. It is there Personal opinion to follow the culture or not.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while few other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that there is a slight dependency. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that, Although my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
may defined by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it depends on my personal opinion and influence.

In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
India, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follows
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ap
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
wear dhoti and
Possible spelling mistake found.
kurta
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Assam wear a kind of shirt and pant with a hat. The way of dressing depends on that particular climatic conditions and topography. That may turn into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
ultimately
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
which kind of dressing style.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
Possible spelling mistake found.
roti
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sabji
while in China they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
noodles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
way of life style is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Roti
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sabji
is
being eaten
by the North Indians
Possible spelling mistake found.
roti
generally
heat which protects from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
environment there. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that there might be a reason for china to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
noodles. Both, there is no limitation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
noodles in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
roti
in China.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
depends on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, following them will
purely
depend on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
opinion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follows
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
Possible typo: you repeated a word
long long
years ago. It will
be habituated
in their blood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
one may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that there is not necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings a minor influence. It is there Personal opinion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
or not.

IELTS essay Some people believe that a person's culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that has only a minor influence.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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