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Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time for quality of life. What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?

Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time for quality of life. What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle? wBOL3
It is presumed by certain sets of societies that leisure time is more important than having a colossal sum of money to lead a life filled with complacency; however I stand with the fact that other factors like reputed as well as satisfied job, a healthy lifestyle and a happy long lasting relationship with near and dear ones are also considered to have a worthwhile living. To embark with, undoubtedly, in this contemporary era, a good quality of lifestyle is not attained without money. For the elite class people, lifestyle is meant to be having a big mansion to live, a long car to ride and attending A-one parties. They get these all materialistic things with the money. As money is an asset for them to pursuit the happiness in their own way and to spend a luxurious lifestyle. Nevertheless, it does not mean that the middle class people with little earnings are not spending a good living. For instance, the naval officer is happy about his job despite of little earnings. What he desires to feel is utmost satisfaction and recognition, without having an urge in himself to getting more and more money. Marching ahead, the other numerous factors like a healthy lifestyle and strong relationship with family and friends cannot be denied to live a good quality of lifestyle. There is a Mongolian proverb that "Most important happiness in human's life is its health". Being robust and healthy in all means (socially, mentally and physically) can ultimately lead the life happiness to reach at the authentic pinnacle and to enjoy the stupendous fruition. For example, a healthy and sound person can live longer and enjoy good lifestyle as compare to the one who is indulged into myriad illnesses. Also, love and affection with the family and friends can lead the person to live happy and satisfied life. To quote an instance, socialization is an imperative factor to achieve healthy lifestyle and those who spend their leisure time with friends, family and neighbors are more likely to spend joyful life than the others who are self-centered. To reiterate, money is important up to some extent to live a good lifestyle, but other factors also have a crucial place in everybody’s life. Ergo, quality of life depends on many factors and all of them have their essential role in human beings' lifestyle.
It
is presumed
by certain sets of societies that leisure time is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than having a colossal sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
filled with complacency;
however
I stand with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like reputed
as well
as satisfied job, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and a happy
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
relationship with near and dear ones are
also
considered to have a worthwhile living.

To embark with,
undoubtedly
, in this contemporary era, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is not attained without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. For the elite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is meant
to be having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
mansion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, a long car to ride and attending A-one parties. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these all materialistic things with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an asset for them to pursuit the happiness in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way and to spend a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Nevertheless
, it does not mean that the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
earnings are not spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
living.
For instance
, the naval officer is happy about his job
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
earnings. What he desires to feel is utmost satisfaction and recognition, without having an urge in himself to getting more and more money.

Marching ahead, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and strong relationship with family and friends cannot
be denied
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. There is a Mongolian proverb that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
happiness in human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is its health
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Being robust and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
in all means (
socially
, mentally and
physically
) can
ultimately
lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happiness to reach at the authentic pinnacle and to enjoy the stupendous fruition.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and sound person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as compare to the one who
is indulged
into myriad illnesses.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection with the family and friends can lead the person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
happy and satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To quote an instance, socialization is an imperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and those who spend their leisure time with friends, family and neighbors are more likely to spend joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than the others who are self-centered.

To reiterate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
also
have a crucial place in everybody’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Ergo, quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
and all of them have their essential role in human beings'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.

IELTS essay Some people believe money is a less important factor than free time for quality of life. What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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