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. Some people believe lhol success in life depends on hord work ond determinolion, while ofhers believe thot other focfors like money ond personol oppeoronce ore imporlonf. Discuss bofh views ond give your opinton.

. Some people believe lhol success in life depends on hord work ond determinolion, while ofhers believe thot other focfors like money ond personol oppeoronce ore imporlonf. Discuss bofh views ond give your opinton. NwOrd
All peolple persue success in all aspects of life such as work, relationships, studies. . . ect, but there is a tiny fraction who really get succeed. some people held the idea that success only depend on hard work and the determination, while others believe that other factors like money and stature are more important. I will discuss the two view in this essay. First of all, hard work and determination are crucial of course to success because lazy people who doesn't do the work will not get anywhere, like they say no pain no gain. There is no successful person on the world today who is not a hard worker, take for example, Thomas Adison when he was working on the project for inventing the first lamp, he did a lot of failed trials probablly 1000 to finally success. He didn't simply give up on his idea due to hard worker mindset he had. However, sometimes if you rely just on hard work you won't be anywhere near succeed this the hard truth of life. knowing the right people because of your money and social stature can. if you have an idea for a start up and you don't have much money here comes the important of personal appearance and the ability of connecting with high profile people could give you an opportunity to achieve your business by persuade them of investing in your business. For instance, Amazon founder had to convince investors to invest in his company to start expanding internationally and he was a hard worker but if he depend only on it, we wouldn't have the giant company such amazon exist today. In conclusion, I personally think a mix of the two is the way to go both, hard work is vital but don't forget also other factors which also play an essential part to produce success.
All
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolple
Possible spelling mistake found.
persue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in all aspects of life such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, relationships, studies.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ect
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a tiny fraction who
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
held the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the determination, while others believe that other factors like money and stature are more

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I will discuss the two view in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and determination are crucial
of course
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
doesn
't do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anywhere, like they say no pain no gain.

There is no successful person on the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
who is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
worker, take
for example
, Thomas
Possible spelling mistake found.
Adison
when he was working on the project for inventing the
first
lamp, he did

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
failed trials
Possible spelling mistake found.
probablly
1000 to
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. He didn't
simply
give up on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
worker mindset he had.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
if you rely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
you won't be anywhere near succeed this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
truth of life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
knowing
the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of your money and social stature

can.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
you have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up and you don't have much money here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of personal appearance and the ability of connecting with high profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could give you

an opportunity to achieve your business by persuade them of investing in your business.
For instance
, Amazon founder had to convince investors to invest in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
expanding
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internationally and
he was

a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "depends", "depended".
depend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on it, we wouldn't have the giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
such
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a mix of the two is the way to go both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
don't forget
also
other factors which
also
play an essential part to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay . Some people believe lhol success in life depends on hord work ond determinolion, while ofhers believe thot other focfors like money ond personol oppeoronce ore imporlonf. Discuss bofh views ond give your opinton.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • . Some people believe lhol success in life depends on hord work ond determinolion, while ofhers believe thot other focfors like money ond personol oppeoronce ore imporlonf. Discuss bofh views ond give your opinton.