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Some people believe in the traditional ideas that the woman's place is in the home, while other says that idea is outdated and that women's should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future what is your opinion

Some people believe in the traditional ideas that the woman's place is in the home, while other says that idea is outdated and that women's should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future what is your opinion kA0N
Female are the backbone for progressing nation. However, there are predominantly two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that females position is in the domicile according to historical perspective while other emphasize that female should take part progressively vital part in the office of the future Apparently, various factors make a section of society advocate that the duties of women were confined to the domestic space and hove many reasons to substantiate it. First and foremost is, lady of the house, taking care of the family being focused on children and their happiness. Secondly, inculcate the cultural and historical values in families which in result brings harmony as well as fortune. Thirdly, she acts as a role model because she is pillar of every successful relationship i e she acts as a mother, daughter, women, girl etc. . . To illustrate, home is incomplete without her presence as she is homemaker who brings out best in their children, support them in their school or college assignments, she taught to do things ethically and create balance by providing effective solutions to every single problem in family. On the other hand, some believe that the female should be given freedom in whatever she does and should not be confined within four walls of the house for marriad reasons. Chiefly, women have right to study and discover ability as they are incredibly good in skill of management as they can be teachers, masters, or ever professor. Furthermore, women's performances in daily work have proved their excellence, they can be good employees or intelligent bosses. Additionally, government also take initiative to encourage the women empowerment because every organisation require talented and skilled person, so women can be asset for the organisation. For example, women have expertise in managing home and simultaneously she acts as a problem solver, sometimes doctor to their children. So she can be the potential aspirant for organisation in future. In my opinion, women play variety of significant role in our society from their birth till the end of life so women can bring change in the society and bring fortune to its workplace. Inevitably society shouldn't be deprived of all positives of it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
are the backbone for progressing nation.
However
, there are
predominantly
two contrasting views where a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
vehemently
deems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
position is in the domicile according to historical perspective while other emphasize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
progressively
vital part in the office of the future
Apparently
, various factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
advocate that the duties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were confined
to the domestic space and hove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to substantiate it.
First
and foremost is, lady of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, taking care of the family
being focused
on children and their happiness.
Secondly
, inculcate the cultural and historical values in families which in result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
harmony
as well
as fortune.
Thirdly
, she acts as a role model
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is pillar of every successful relationship i e she acts as a mother, daughter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, girl etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
To illustrate, home is incomplete without her presence as she is homemaker who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
out best in their children, support them in their school or college assignments, she taught to do things
ethically
and create balance by providing effective solutions to every single problem in family.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom in whatever she does and should not
be confined
within four walls of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
marriad
reasons.
Chiefly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have right to study and discover ability as they are
incredibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of management as they can be teachers, masters, or
Did you mean "every"?
ever
professor.
Furthermore
, women's performances in daily work have proved their excellence, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employees or intelligent bosses.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
take initiative to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
require talented and skilled person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be asset for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have expertise in managing home and
simultaneously
she acts as a problem solver,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
doctor to their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
she can be the potential aspirant for
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
play variety of significant role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from their birth till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
fortune to its workplace.
Inevitably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
shouldn't
be deprived
of all positives of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay Some people believe in the traditional ideas that the woman's place is in the home, while other says that idea is outdated and that women's should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future what is your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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