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Some people become famous when they are at a young age. Do you think this is positive or negative?

Some people become famous when they are at a young age. Do you think this is positive or negative? kNgN
At an early age, few people maintain themselves as public figures. In my opinion, I believe that this is a positive development. The major positive impact is the people become renowned in their adulthood; they can do something for the improvement of their country’s economy. In other words, people who gain and start to earn as an adult; can boost up their country’s GDP by performing overseas and gain foreign income. For example, some players are so young, but they are going and playing in other countries. In this way, they can gain fame and finance from those countries. In short, this is a positive thing. Another positive impact is that they can learn practical skills in advance which they have to learn in their future. They can learn practical skills in addition to their educational ones. For instance, some people are attaining their university education and they are taking part in sporting activities which are handled at national and international levels. This makes them fit and healthy, and they can easily counter their educational challenges with a fresh mind. That’s why I think this is a positive development. In conclusion, while getting fame in early lives, children can make their country proud by gaining name and fame, and by contribution in economy. Furthermore, there are also learning advantages in this case.
At an early age, few
people
maintain themselves as public figures. In my opinion, I believe that this is a
positive
development.

The major
positive
impact is the
people
become renowned in their adulthood; they can do something for the improvement of their
country’s
economy.
In other words
,
people
who gain and
start
to earn as an adult; can boost up their
country’s
GDP by performing overseas and gain foreign income.
For example
,
some
players are
so
young,
but
they are going and playing in other
countries
. In this way, they can gain fame and finance from those
countries
. In short, this is a
positive
thing.

Another
positive
impact is that they can learn practical
skills
in advance which they
have to
learn in their future. They can learn practical
skills
in addition
to their educational ones.
For instance
,
some
people
are attaining their university
education and
they are taking part in sporting activities which
are handled
at national and international levels. This
makes
them fit and healthy, and they can
easily
counter their educational challenges with a fresh mind. That’s why I
think
this is a
positive
development.

In conclusion
, while getting fame in early
lives
, children can
make
their
country
proud by gaining name and fame, and by contribution in economy.
Furthermore
, there are
also
learning advantages
in this case
.
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IELTS essay Some people become famous when they are at a young age. Do you think this is positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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