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some people become famous at a young age. Is it good or bad?

some people become famous at a young age. Is it good or bad? e5EVW
These days most popular artists start their career at a young age. This essay mostly agrees that it gives a great opportunities to the individuals and changes their lives for the good. First reason of "goodness" of being famous is that it improves and develops child's talents from the beginning of his life and teaches him to face some responsible situations. Children are taught to do different things and sometimes they can be good at singing or dancing or something else. Parents can see child's talent and try to disclose his potential. After some time a child becoming famous travels and receives approvals from million people. By learning all the tricks of life the child will understand how to make serious decisions in the future. Besides the fact in which popularity prepares person to the life it gives possibility where a young star can earn proceeds. By traveling around the world and showing everyone his own talents a person is able to gain a huge amount of money that he can use for his own or spend on charity and so on. As an example I can describe actors who became a rising star at a young age and after years of their work they spend their money to help children with disorders. In other words famous person is making his own decisions. To sum up people should be or at least try to be a rising star and became famous by showing his talents and opening up opportunities before adulthood.
These days most popular artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career at a young age. This essay
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that it gives a great
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "opportunity"?
opportunities
to the individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

First
reason of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
goodness
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
and develops child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
from the beginning of his life and teaches him to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsible situations. Children
are taught
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at singing or dancing or something else. Parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and try to disclose his potential. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time a child becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
travels and receives approvals from
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. By learning all the tricks of life the child will understand how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
serious decisions in the future.

Besides
the fact in which popularity prepares person to the life it gives possibility where a young star can earn proceeds. By traveling around the world and showing everyone his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
a person is able to gain a huge amount of money that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or spend on charity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. As an example I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
actors who became a rising star at a young age and after years of their work they spend their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children with disorders.
In other words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person is making his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

To sum up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be or at least try to be a rising star and became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
by showing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and opening up opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
adulthood.
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IELTS essay some people become famous at a young age. Is it good or bad?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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