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Some people become famous at a very young age. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people become famous at a very young age. Is this a good or bad thing? MMRjo
As everyone knows, working in these days is very essential but, in modern-day, the numbers of children that were employed are increased, especially in the acting fields so, those kids become well-known. However, this could bring both positive negative consequences. Therefore, I would like to describe this statement in both views for several reasons that will be explained in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, to have a job during childhood could get many advantages. For example, they could be able to allocate the time, also they could have more responsibility more than other kids. In addition, working during this time could teach them how to make the money; moreover, they would able to understand adulthood faster. On the other hand, this could bring negative consequences as well. For instance, these children would unable to touch the simple kids' lifestyle as same as others; moreover, sometimes, they could likely to face some of the mental problems as well such as stress and depression. In addition, during the working time, they need to be in a serious mood so, this could also stop their imagination. In addition, having a reputation as a young age could affect their studying as well because if they have the ability to gain some money so, their first priority will not always be studying. To sum up, to be famous is not really easy for the kids although they could receive incomes. However, if they have the will-hearted to do, this would not be wrong as well as they understand and able to handle it.
As everyone knows, working in these days is
very
essential
but
, in modern-day, the numbers of children that
were employed
are increased
,
especially
in the acting fields
so
, those kids become well-known.
However
, this could bring both
positive
negative
consequences.
Therefore
, I would like to
describe
this statement in both views for several reasons that will be
explained
in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost, to have a job during childhood could
get
many
advantages.
For example
, they could be able to allocate the time,
also
they could have more responsibility more than other kids.
In addition
, working during this time could teach them how to
make
the money;
moreover
, they
would able
to understand adulthood faster.

On the other hand
, this could bring
negative
consequences as
well
.
For instance
, these children
would unable
to touch the simple kids' lifestyle as same as others;
moreover
,
sometimes
, they could likely to face
some of the
mental problems as
well
such as
stress
and depression.
In addition
, during the working time, they need to be in a serious mood
so
, this could
also
stop
their imagination.
In addition
, having a reputation as a young age could affect their studying as
well
because
if they have the ability to gain
some
money
so
, their
first
priority will not always be studying.

To sum up, to be
famous
is not
really
easy for the kids although they could receive incomes.
However
, if they have the will-hearted to do, this would not be
wrong
as
well
as they understand and able to handle it.
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IELTS essay Some people become famous at a very young age. Is this a good or bad thing?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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