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Some people assert that women are superior to men when it comes to raising children, whereas others claim that men also can nurture as well as females. From my perspective, I believe that mother and father both equally play a crucial role in the upbringing of children.

Some people assert that women are superior to men when it comes to raising children, whereas others claim that men also can nurture as well as females. From my perspective, I believe that mother and father both equally play a crucial role in the upbringing of children. ewgEp
Some people assert that women are superior to men when it comes to raising children, whereas others claim that men also can nurture as well as females. From my perspective, I believe that mother and father both equally play a crucial role in the upbringing of children. On the one hand, the woman can spend a chunk of the time for the nourishment of their child. Consequently, women can keep their eyes on every small activity of children and take care of them from feeding, bathing to educating problems. Apart from that, children can share their emotions and difficulties with their mothers by their intimate interactions. Hence mothers have a better understanding of their offspring and this makes a strong bond between them. In addition, a child learns moral values which are the main ingredients to become a good human from the mother. On the other hand, the strictness of the father has a significant impact on the development of children's personality and cognition. For example, fathers can enforce ensuring the child wakes up on time, spends the right amount of time on studies, and engages in both indoor and outdoor games. Children will be more obedient to their father. Moreover, males’ hormones enable them to be more flexible to difficult situations happening in real life, and they can transfer their experience to their boys. In conclusion, I suppose that both men and women are equally important. Even if the proportions are unbalanced, their child will suffer tremendously. Therefore, infants need the affection and caring of both father and mother.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that women are superior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas others claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
also
can nurture
as well
as females. From my perspective, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
both
equally
play a crucial role in the upbringing of children.

On the one hand, the woman can spend a chunk of the time for the nourishment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Consequently
, women can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eyes on every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and take care of them from feeding, bathing to educating problems. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can share their emotions and difficulties with their mothers by their intimate interactions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
mothers have a better understanding of their offspring and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a strong bond between them.
In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learns moral values which are the main ingredients to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human from the mother.

On the other hand
, the strictness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
has a significant impact on the development of children's personality and cognition.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
can enforce ensuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
wakes up on time, spends the right amount of time on studies, and engages in both indoor and outdoor games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will be more obedient to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
.
Moreover
, males’ hormones enable them to be more flexible to difficult situations happening in real life, and they can transfer their experience to their boys.

In conclusion
, I suppose that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Even if the proportions
are unbalanced
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will suffer
tremendously
.
Therefore
, infants need the affection and caring of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
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IELTS essay Some people assert that women are superior to men when it comes to raising children, whereas others claim that men also can nurture as well as females. From my perspective, I believe that mother and father both equally play a crucial role in the upbringing of children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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