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some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. DeEA
It is often argued by few individuals that the government ought to provide cellphone with the internet to every jobless people. They thought this is the best method of using citizens money to decrease the issue of unemployment. In my opinion, to a large extent, I disagree with this notion, but, in some way it may backfire as well. The essay will give reasons for answer with appropriate examples. There are numerous reasons why giving mobile phone to unemployed person is not fruitful. The first and foremost, if any person get a mobile phone, then they will try to use as per pass their free time. In other words, mostly person use mobile when they are feeling bored so, they can refresh their mind with some funny videos. For example, every day person spend their most time on social platforms in which majority are younger one. Therefore, providing smart phones with the internet not only act as time pass, but also increase the unemployment rate. Thus, the government should not supposed to allocate phones for alleviate unemployment concern. Moreover, although using mobile phones give information, it also affects on health of persons. This is to say that, having free internet accessibility with phone, they may be use for whole day. As a result, it not only affect on eyes of users, but also rise strain in their mind. For instance, mostly youngster who find difficulties of stress during work time owing to frequently uses of technical gadgets. Thus, this also creates troubles related to body of people. However, others claim that if government give mobiles to unemployed person then, they can do some work from home and earn money. To exemplify, a lot of work now also available on the internet so, jobless person learn and do this work easily. Therefore, they may be earn little money through online working. As a result, in some way it considered as a adequate way to reduce unemployment. In conclusion, although with mobiles work can be done, they possess some problems such as timepass and health effects on people. I recapitulate, that the government should provide job vacancies which may benefit for unemployed individual.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by few individuals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to provide cellphone with the internet to every jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
this is the best method of using citizens money to decrease the issue of unemployment. In my opinion, to a large extent, I disagree with this notion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way it may backfire
as well
. The essay will give reasons for answer with appropriate examples.

There are numerous reasons why giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not fruitful. The
first
and foremost, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, then they will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as per pass their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In other words
,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile when they are feeling bored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can refresh their mind with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
videos.
For example
, every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
spend their most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on social platforms in which majority are younger one.
Therefore
, providing smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with the internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
act as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pass,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase the unemployment rate.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "suppose"
supposed
to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for alleviate unemployment concern.

Moreover
, although using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
give information, it
also
affects on health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
. This is to say that, having free internet accessibility with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for whole day.
As a result
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on eyes of users,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
rise strain in their mind.
For instance
,
mostly
youngster who find difficulties of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
owing to
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of technical gadgets.
Thus
, this
also
creates troubles related to body of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, others claim that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
give mobiles to unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
then, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home and earn money. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
also
available on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
learn and do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
easily
.
Therefore
, they
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
Consider using the past participle "earned"?
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money through online working.
As a result
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way it considered as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adequate way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment.

In conclusion
, although with mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be done
, they possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
timepass
and health effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I recapitulate, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide job vacancies which may benefit for unemployed individual.
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IELTS essay some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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