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Some people argue that technological inventions, such as, mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as, mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. pR1k3
Owing to the advancement in technology, people are using different modern devices in their daily life. Some people think that technological resources like mobile phones are making distance between individuals. Upto large extent, I disagree with this statement and my views will be scrutinized in upcoming segments. At the outset, there are various negative impact of mobile phones on relationships. Firstly, masses use cell phone more for their work and entertainment, that is why, they spend their more time on it. For example, nowadays, if six members in family, all members will have their own mobile phones and they will busy on that. Due to this, they would ignore and do not talk with each other. Therefore, relationship bonds are getting weak between human beings. On the other hand, there are many benefits of mobile phones. First of all, people are using social sites on mobile phone. They can make many new friends and contact with their old friends, far flung relatives with the help of video calls. Secondly, they can also gain information about other countries and culture. For instant, individuals know about Corona virus from mobile phones through news that Corona virus has spread in the world. Hence, mobile phones are playing major role in people's life for contacting. To conclude, I think development of mobile phone is putting positive impact on relationships between individuals; however, people should use it in a limit so that they cannot break bonds with each other.
Owing to the advancement in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modern devices in their daily life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that technological resources like mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are making distance between individuals.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Upto
large extent, I disagree with this statement and my views will
be scrutinized
in upcoming segments.

At the outset, there are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
on relationships.
Firstly
, masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
more for their work and entertainment,
that is
why, they spend their more time on it.
For example
, nowadays, if six members in family, all members will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones and
they will busy on that. Due to this, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and do not talk with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Therefore
, relationship bonds are getting weak between human beings.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using social sites on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new friends and contact with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far flung
relatives with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of video calls.
Secondly
, they can
also
gain information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries and culture. For instant, individuals know about
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
through news that
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
has spread in the world.
Hence
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are playing major role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life for contacting.
To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
development of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on relationships between individuals;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in a limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot break bonds with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
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IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions, such as, mobile phones are making people socially less interactive.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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