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Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Other people think one should have a permanent job. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Other people think one should have a permanent job. v. 2
As the career development prospects are very important to almost every job seeker, there has been much discussion about whether one should choose a job because of job satisfaction or job security. Personally, although choosing a satisfying job may bring some benefits, I would argue that a permanent job could help people deal with real-life problems. People who prefer job satisfaction to job security would be more productive and efficient in their work. This is because if the job takes people’s interests, they are more likely to be motivated and then devote their passion and concentration to what they do. For example, those engaging in education may be extremely passionate if they truly love imparting knowledge to students. In addition, satisfying jobs may cause less complaints in the workplace, leading to a fewer possibilities of pressure or even depression among employees. By contrast, choosing a job only because of security may make people feel being forced to work. In this case, they may lose motivation and fail to focus on their work. On the other hand, those who support a permanent job argue that it is important for people living in contemporary world with so much pressure. To be more specific, a permanent job may offer people a relatively fixed income on a monthly basis, which means that they could cover their daily expenses. For example, a permanent job is definitely more suitable for one who needs to pay for bank loans. In addition, a permanent job would hopefully encourage people to put their efforts into work. This is because the chance of being promoted is predictable when employees make contributions to the company that they will work for a long period of time. As a result, people may also work hard with a goal in their mind. In conclusion, while choosing a job out of interests may offer people motivations, I strongly believe that it is important to choose a permanent job in such a competitive society as we have to face a series of problems in life.
As the career development prospects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seeker, there has been much discussion about whether one should choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security.
Personally
, although choosing a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I would argue that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deal with real-life problems.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security would be more productive and efficient in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interests, they are more likely to
be motivated
and
Did you mean "than"?
then
devote their passion and concentration to what they do.
For example
, those engaging in education may be
extremely
passionate if they
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
imparting knowledge to students.
In addition
, satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may cause
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun complaints is countable.
less
complaints in the workplace, leading to a fewer possibilities of pressure or even depression among employees. By contrast, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of security may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
being forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In this case
, they may lose motivation and fail to focus on their work.

On the other hand
, those who support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in contemporary world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much pressure. To be more specific, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
relatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income on a monthly basis, which means that they could cover their daily expenses.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is definitely more suitable for one who needs to pay for bank loans.
In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
would
hopefully
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to put their efforts into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the chance of
being promoted
is predictable when employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a long period of time.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
with a goal in their mind.

In conclusion
, while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
out of interests may offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
motivations, I
strongly
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in such a competitive society as we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a series of problems in life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Other people think one should have a permanent job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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