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Some people argue that history should not be taught in schools, while others believe that learning history is still beneficial to students. Discuss your view.

Some people argue that history should not be taught in schools, while others believe that learning history is still beneficial to students. Discuss your view. RW1QY
These days, an increasing number of people are concerning about social media and obliterate the value of history. While someone believe that there is no benefit of history to teach in schools, others assume the opposite idea. I personally think that history can bring many advantages that can be discussed below. It’s claimed that It’s boring to learn from the past. In many schools in Vietnam, It’s obligatory for students to learn by heart every milestone and events in historical documents. Consequently, students become stressed and overloaded with history related knowledge which does not give them the necessary foundations to conduct research in scientific domains. Moreover, the lessons of history are always jejune and hard to remember. Studying a lot- this means that students become bombarded with historical knowledge. Nonetheless, From my perspective, It’s necessary for adults to study about the country's formation. For example, studying about the progress of building and defending the country of the Hung Kings deepen patriotism. Besides that, History helps us accumulate profound knowledge of the sacrifice and contributions of ancestors in the war against foreign invaders. Since, building up patriotism and national pride. On the other hand, studying history is not only about the events in Vietnam but also those in the world. It makes you know more about other country’s culture and heritage. Furthermore, History can provide deeper insights into the local historical values and tighten the bond with the motherland. Subsequently, motivation and inspiration from this lesson can make youngsters make an effort to improve themselves better. There are numerous lessons about success and construction. In conclusion, although people think that it is not important to learn about the past, in my opinion, I believe that there are a number of values that people need to discover from history and apply in our life.
These days, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
about social media and obliterate the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. While someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "believes", "believed".
believe
that there is no benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to teach in schools, others assume the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that can
be discussed
below.

It’s claimed that It’s boring to learn from the past. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools in Vietnam, It’s obligatory for students to learn by heart every milestone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in historical documents.
Consequently
, students become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and overloaded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
related knowledge which does not give them the necessary foundations to conduct research in scientific domains.
Moreover
, the lessons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are always jejune and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to remember. Studying a lot- this means that students become bombarded with historical knowledge.

Nonetheless, From my perspective, It’s necessary for adults to study about the country's formation.
For example
, studying about the progress of building and defending the country of the Hung Kings deepen patriotism.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us accumulate profound knowledge of the sacrifice and contributions of ancestors in the war against foreign invaders. Since, building up patriotism and national pride.

On the other hand
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in Vietnam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
those in the world. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you know more about other country’s culture and heritage.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
can provide deeper insights into the local historical values and tighten the bond with the motherland.
Subsequently
, motivation and inspiration from this lesson can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves better. There are numerous lessons about success and construction.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn about the past, in my opinion, I believe that there are a number of values that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to discover from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and apply in our life.
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IELTS essay Some people argue that history should not be taught in schools, while others believe that learning history is still beneficial to students. Discuss your view.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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