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Some people argue that children more often do physical activities while sparing less time for studying? To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people argue that children more often do physical activities while sparing less time for studying? with this opinion? 6dqbW
Studying is an integral part of our school life. It is boring for some of us, enjoyable for others. Some people consider that youth devote more time to physical activity rather than studying their subjects. Contrary to them, I think youth need to learn subjects correctly so they have to spend more time studying. Firstly, in order that teens earn some basic achievements, subjects are prepared sequentially. So studying enables them to have some abilities and skills. For example, individuals that used to study more, can think more analytically and interpret what they read more easily compared to their peers. In addition, they become more aware of facts about life and nature, as well as more assertive as long as they properly learn given subjects and new knowledge. Secondly, although doing physical activity is not as important as studying, it positively affects the subject performance of teens. It helps their brain to become more healthy and more relaxed whether this is fitness or specific sport branches. It also stimulates their mental health. Mentally relaxed youth are able to focus on their subjects even though they are immensely difficult and complex. Therefore, they eagerly want to learn much more subjects and their subject performance substantially increases. For example, children engaged in a sport are more successful in school subjects. In conclusion, study influences our cognitive skills being beneficial for their life. These range from thinking analytically to and ability to reading and writing. So children have to spend much more time studying. However, they do not neglect to do physical activity. Because it is helpful to subject performance. such as knowing about the basics of science or solving mathematical equations. Therefore, children attain abilities and skills that can be used during their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
is an integral part of our school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is boring for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us, enjoyable for others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that youth devote more time to physical activity
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Contrary to them, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
youth need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
correctly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more time studying.

Firstly
, in order that teens earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic achievements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are prepared
sequentially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
enables them to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, individuals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study more, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
analytically
and interpret what they read more
easily
compared to their peers.
In addition
, they become more aware of facts about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and nature,
as well
as more assertive as long as they
properly
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and new knowledge.

Secondly
, although doing physical activity is not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, it
positively
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
performance of teens. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their brain to become more healthy and more relaxed whether this is fitness or specific sport branches. It
also
stimulates their mental health. Mentally relaxed youth are able to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
even though
they are
immensely
difficult and complex.
Therefore
, they
eagerly
want to learn much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
performance
substantially
increases.
For example
, children engaged in a sport are more successful in school subjects.

In conclusion
, study influences our cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
being beneficial for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These range from thinking
analytically
to and ability to reading and writing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend much more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
However
, they do not neglect to do physical activity.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is helpful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
performance.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as knowing about the basics of science or solving mathematical equations.
Therefore
, children attain abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
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IELTS essay Some people argue that children more often do physical activities while sparing less time for studying? with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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