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some people argue that art and music should be removed from school programs. do you agree?

some people argue that art and music should be removed from school programs. do you agree? 2b5MX
In recent decades, many science subjects, for example, mathematics, chemistry, biology and many more, has been praised as vital subjects in daily life as well as in school programs, so many people think that art and music should be removed from school curriculum. I believe this trend has both possitive and negative effects in the long run and partly agree with this. On the one hand, art and music should be removed and spent time for other science subject. Education needs to brace student for the demands or moden world. We are living in hi-tech society so the knowledge of science subjects is fundamental and indispensible. These subjects enhance students’ cognity ability, it has been demonstrated that individuals talented at mathematics, science, … are usually equipped with good reasoning, critical thinking and problem solving skill, all of which can be facilitating in multiple ares of our modern life, and, consequently, enable students to have a bigger chance of climbing the promotion ladder. On the other hand, a world without are and music will be a land of boredom and bring about some dangerous problems. Art and music provide people with a sense of beauty to be satisfied and relaxed. Therefore, most students with an ignorance of arts, if not all, have an imbalance in their thought and this, as a consequence, results in an imbalance in their life. As a matter of fact, many students, who focus too much on science subjects and ignore art, suffer from a stress, and, more seriously, become self-isolated. One of the solutions to this problem is art. The fields of art make students satisfied and relaxed, relieve their stress, therefore, strike a balance in their day-to-day life as well as schools and works. In conclusion, removing art and music from school programs has both positive and negative effects. In my opinion, although science subjects are vital in our modern life, art and music shouldn’t be removed. It is suggested that students should balance between science subjects and art and music to get the most advantage out of this.
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
for example
, mathematics, chemistry, biology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, has
been praised
as vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be removed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. I believe this trend has both
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects in the long run and partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be removed
and spent time for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. Education needs to brace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
for the demands or
Possible spelling mistake found.
moden
world. We are living in hi-tech society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is fundamental and
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake found.
cognity
ability, it has
been demonstrated
that individuals talented at mathematics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, … are
usually
equipped with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasoning, critical thinking and problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, all of which can be facilitating in multiple ares of our modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and,
consequently
, enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a bigger chance of climbing the promotion ladder.

On the other hand
, a world without are and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will be a land of boredom and bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a sense of beauty to
be satisfied
and relaxed.
Therefore
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with an ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, if not all, have an imbalance in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and this, as a consequence, results in an imbalance in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who focus too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, suffer from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and, more
seriously
, become self-isolated. One of the solutions to this problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. The fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
satisfied and relaxed, relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
therefore
, strike a balance in their day-to-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and works.

In conclusion
, removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are vital in our modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
shouldn’t
be removed
. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most advantage out of this.
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IELTS essay some people argue that art and music should be removed from school programs. do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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