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Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved?

Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved? m1WgL
Job interview is the first step for job recruitment as it allows the employers to understand the employee. However, some people might feel unnecessary when the employers asking to share their personal details. For me, I strongly agree with the notion that providing specific information is helpful during the job interview. One supportive point states that personalities relate to your job, and it is directly affecting your work performance. To further explain, most of the companies asking ask for the hobbies and interests are to identify your strengths and from that to distribute the working position load. For example, Japan’s company Japanese companies are very concerned of concerned with the personalities of the employee employee's personalities and they will request them to do the ’16 personalities test’ before started working. With this, it helps the company to recognize the worker’s strengths and weaknesses. On the contrary, some people strongly believe that providing personal information such as marital status can lead to discrimination. For example, some companies reject to hire hiring a pregnant or married women as they believe they have no time to dedicate to the job. Also, the working environment favors married men as most people believe they provide a good image for the company. To sum up, by providing marital status might bring to the stereotypical phenomenon and cause the discrimination happened. create stereotypes and cause discrimination to happen. All the above points fortify my opinion that giving personal details can be helpful for help the employers get to understand more about better understand the employee and it can bring to the business to success. As we can see, personal information requesting from the employers the employers' personal information can be helpful or irrelevant to the job itself.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
interview is the
first
step for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
recruitment as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to understand the employee.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might feel unnecessary when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
asking to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. For me, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that providing specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is helpful during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interview.

One supportive point states that personalities relate to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and it is
directly
affecting your work performance. To
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the hobbies and interests are to identify your strengths and from that to distribute the working position load.
For example
, Japan’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerned of concerned with the personalities of the
Possible typo: you repeated a word
employee employee
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personalities and
they will request them to do the ’16 personalities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working. With this, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to recognize the worker’s strengths and weaknesses.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
strongly
believe that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as marital status can lead to discrimination.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
reject to hire hiring a pregnant or married women as they believe they have no time to dedicate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Also
, the working environment favors married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
as most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe they provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
image for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. To sum up, by providing marital status might bring to the stereotypical phenomenon and cause the discrimination happened.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
create
stereotypes and cause discrimination to happen.

All the above points fortify my opinion that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
can be helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to understand more about better understand the employee and it can bring to the business to success. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
requesting from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
the employers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be helpful or irrelevant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
itself.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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