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Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved?

Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved? pR5A2
Over the past few years, the advancement in technology has made people’s life easier. However, people start to adopt an unhealthy lifestyle due to few reasons. In this essay, I will list out a few problems and solutions to an unhealthy lifestyle. To begin with, the main reason for people’s unhealthy lifestyle is the hectic schedule in work. Most people busy with their job and have no enough spare time to have a meal, so they choose fast food to fill up their stomach because it is quick and convenient. Another compelling reason is that technological advancement makes people’s lives easier and that people are lazy compare to the last generation. For example, last time people walk or ride to work before we have trains, but nowadays we walk lesser due to advancement in technology. For example, the last time people walk or ride to work before we have trains, we nowadays walk less due to technological advancements. There are few solutions to mitigate the problems. First of all, the government should strictly enforce the employment laws to ensure people have a work life balance. Secondary, the government can create awareness of a healthy lifestyle and promote healthy eating behaviours by having talks or events in the neighborhoods. Also, the parents should educate children on the importance of exercise since they were young. With this in minds, children can adapt a healthy lifestyle from a good parenting style. In conclusion, people’s unhealthy lifestyle affect by the busy schedule and also the advancement in technology. To reduce the problems, the government should work hard on the social environment by giving talks and ensuring workers' work-like balance.
Over the past few years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in technology has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life easier.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to adopt an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
due
Did you mean "too"?
to
few reasons. In this essay, I will list out a few problems and solutions to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is the hectic schedule in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
busy with their job and have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
spare time to have a meal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food to fill up their stomach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is quick and convenient. Another compelling reason is that technological
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advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lazy compare to the last generation.
For example
, last time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
or ride to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we have trains,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
lesser due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in technology.
For example
, the last time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
or ride to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we have trains, we nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
less due to technological advancements.

There are few solutions to mitigate the problems.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strictly
enforce the employment laws to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. Secondary, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can create awareness of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and promote healthy eating
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
by having talks or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the neighborhoods.
Also
, the parents should educate children on the importance of exercise since they were young. With this in minds, children can adapt a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parenting style.

In conclusion
,
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people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
by the busy schedule and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in technology. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problems, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on the social environment by giving talks and ensuring workers' work-like balance.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people have adopted an unhealthy lifestyle. Why do think this is? How could this problem be sloved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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