Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some parents pressure their children to do certain extracurricular activities or follow a particular academic path. Some people believe children should follow their own ambitions and dreams

Some parents pressure their children to do certain extracurricular activities or follow a particular academic path. Some people believe children should follow their own ambitions and dreams qLNpr
A group of parents opine that several parents influence their kiddies to do extracurricular activities or pursue a certain academic path. while, some others also confide that children should follow their ambitions and dreams. I thoroughly support the later proposition and will present all the relevant points along with examples to back up my views. First of all, enthusiasm for social value compelled parents to put pressure on their children. That is to say, nowadays there is a  negative observation, existing in our society regarding social value that force parents to allow children for some particular activities or certain academic path. For example,   a recent world survey shows that a wide range of parents want to make their children doctors, engineer, government employee which rerespectful profession in social views. As a result, youngsters are propelled to unhealthy competition. Secondly, because a considerable number of guardians demand for higher marks for their kiddies and because they believe it as a sign of brilliancy, so naturally they inspire children to academic subject. For instance, in our country there are several exams like PEC, SSC, HSC and all these exam have Gpa5 marking system which mostly responsible for putting pressure on children. As a consequence, our children gradually losing their creativity. However, there are still a huge number of parents who believe that children must pursue their destination. In other words, it is our responsibility to allow our children in choosing their goal. To illustrate, a recent survey is run by world children organization between the children who are forced by guardians to select an aim and those can choice their goal and the outcome is that the children who are compelled to choice career they were failed to show their latent but who choice thier goal independently were successful in their career. Hence, at present guardians are providing opportunities their children to ensue own desire. Moreover, kiddies have several latent talent which give them strength to go forward. This can be exemplified by the fact that every children born on earth with some talent which is not similar like other children. If we don't create a healthy environment to reveal their intelligence we  will suffer in the long run. So, it is time to encourage our children to follow their ambitions and dreams which they want to do actually. Severally, despite the fact that there is a huge  traffic in our limited working sectors, we can reduce it by implementing children goal. It means in future they will join working sectors and if we create a path through which they don't have any obstacles to fulfill their aim. Therefore, they will be benefited and our earth will find some genius in future. In coclusion, it is obvious that children should have the right to pursue their destination and dreams to become asset for a nation. For this, we shouldn't impelled them to follow limited activities and academic path.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "opines"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'opine' is not always incorrect.)
opine
that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
influence their kiddies to do extracurricular activities or pursue a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
also
confide that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should follow their ambitions and dreams. I
thoroughly
support the later proposition and will present all the relevant points along with examples to back up my views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, enthusiasm for social value compelled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to put pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
That is
to say, nowadays there is a
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
observation, existing in our society regarding social value that force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular activities or certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
.
For example
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
a recent world survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doctors, engineer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employee which
Possible spelling mistake found.
rerespectful
profession in social views.
As a result
, youngsters
are propelled
to unhealthy competition.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a considerable number of guardians demand for higher marks for their kiddies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of brilliancy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
naturally
they inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subject.
For instance
, in our country there are several exams like PEC, SSC, HSC and all
Did you mean "this exam" or "these exams"?
these exam
have Gpa5 marking system which
mostly
responsible for putting pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As a consequence, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gradually
losing their creativity.

However
, there are
still
a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pursue their destination.
In other words
, it is our responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in choosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. To illustrate, a recent survey
is run
by world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
organization between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are forced
by guardians to select an aim and
Did you mean "this can" or "those cans"?
those can
choice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
and the outcome is that the

children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are compelled
to choice career they
were failed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their latent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choice
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
independently
were successful in their career.
Hence
, at present guardians are providing opportunities their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to ensue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desire.

Moreover
, kiddies have several latent talent which give them strength to go forward. This can
be exemplified
by the fact that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
born on earth with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
talent which is not similar like other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we don't create a healthy environment to reveal their intelligence we
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
will suffer in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is time to encourage our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow their ambitions and dreams which they want to do actually.

Severally
, despite the fact that there is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge traffic".
a huge  traffic
in our limited working sectors, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it by implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
. It means in future they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
working sectors and if we create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
through which they don't have any obstacles to fulfill their aim.
Therefore
, they will
be benefited
and our earth will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genius
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
coclusion
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have the right to pursue their destination and dreams to become asset for a nation. For this, we shouldn't
The verb 'shouldn't' requires base form of this verb: "impel"
impelled
them to follow limited activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some parents pressure their children to do certain extracurricular activities or follow a particular academic path. Some people believe children should follow their own ambitions and dreams

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
486 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    Describe your ideal vacation
    First of all my ideal vacation would be a relaxing one. Have you ever been in the north of Iran on holidays? Can you imagin how annoying would it be to spend time in a busy city? Crowded restaurant and  streets, sounds of cars and noises are everywhere. personaly, I avoid traveling to touristical pl...
  • 5.5band
    How to use smartphones? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
    Many people nowadays rely heavily on smartphones, and spend most of their time using a smartphones. In my opinion, I think it is very important and better to use a smartphones in the life, but some people disagree. I have three main reasons for my opinion. My first reason is that ease and speed of ...
  • 6.5band
    Writing Task 2 in UZ — 05. 06. 2021 *Today digital technology allows people to share all aspects of their daily lives on social media. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
    It is true that people now can share everything about their day-to-day lives on social media thanks to technological developments. In my view, this new development could be seen as both positive and negative. On the one hand, there are multiple benefits of people sharing every detail of their daily...
  • 6band
    How to have careers ??????
    Many people nowadays choose to move away to work in another place rather than staying in their home town. In my opinion, it is better to move, but some people disagree. In this essay, I will look at both sides and give reasons for my opinion. I have three main reasons for my opinion. My first reason...
  • 5.5band
    level of happiness and the factors related to happiness
    The most important aspect of life is happiness. In today's world people assume a person is happy if they are smiling or if they are wealthy. The level of happiness is related to the lifestyle of a person as well as the environment they live in. It is a hard task to define happiness of the fact t...
  • 6band
    Benefits of moving abroad
    One of the main advantages of moving abroad is that it enables people to broaden their horizons. This is because most people who live county except hometown can explore foreign cultures, it become more compliant and invigorating humans. For example, people who returning hometown after accommodate ...