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Some parents do not allow their children to watch action films and blood sports or play violent video games because it promotes bad behaviour. Others say it does not. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific examples and details in your explanation.

Some parents do not allow their children to watch action films and blood sports or play violent video games because it promotes bad behaviour. Others say it does not. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific examples and details in your explanation. V0O7w
It is thought by some parent that their children should not be exposed to violent medias or engaged activities included watching films, participating harsh sports and playing video games according these are source of bad influences that affected young people to misbehave. While some mentioned it is not relevant. The following essays will give further explanation of why I agree of the connection between media towards children behavior. The renowned phycologists of child development revealed that young people are sensitive and easily influenced by surrounding called multiple risk factors which could conduct their attitude and behavior in long term. They may become numb to violence, imitate the violence, and show more aggressive mood and behavior. Seeing or engaging with violent things for long time contribute disadvantages for each individual and society. Furthermore, using the FBI data, some criminals admitted that their outlaw behaviors related to their childhood in particular ways and also said that exposing to media are one of factors that stimulate them to break the rules and increase feelings of anger. Robbery rate in Mexico was 30% higher when the X game was launched in 2015 compared to previous year and male children was most get caught in the scene. To prevent this, the authorities should take more control on leading content producers to restrict access for those who under aged 15 and encourage parents and schools to take closer attention. Monitoring interactions and warning children about potential dangers are required. In conclusion, it is clear that harmful behaviors promoted and impacted by inappropriate contents. Therefore, I support that parent should not allow their children to watch or play unless there is more precaution and cooperation from business side and in personal use.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parent that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be exposed
to violent medias or engaged activities included watching films, participating harsh sports and playing video games according these are source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to misbehave.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mentioned it is not relevant. The following essays will give
further
explanation of why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
media towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behavior.

The renowned
Possible spelling mistake found.
phycologists
of child development revealed that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are sensitive and
easily
influenced by surrounding called multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors which could conduct their attitude and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in long term. They may become numb to violence, imitate the violence, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more aggressive mood and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. Seeing or engaging with violent things for long time contribute disadvantages for each individual and society.

Furthermore
, using the FBI data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals admitted that their outlaw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
related to their childhood
in particular
ways and
also
said that exposing to media are one of factors that stimulate them to break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and increase feelings of anger. Robbery rate in Mexico was 30% higher when the X game
was launched
in 2015 compared to previous year and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught in the scene.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, the authorities should take more control on leading content producers to restrict access for those who under aged 15 and encourage parents and schools to take closer attention. Monitoring interactions and warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are required
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
promoted and impacted by inappropriate contents.
Therefore
, I support that parent should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or play unless there is more precaution and cooperation from business side and in personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS essay Some parents do not allow their children to watch action films and blood sports or play violent video games because it promotes bad behaviour. Others say it does not. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific examples and details in your explanation.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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