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some parents choose to send their children to private schools. Do the advantage of private schools outweigh the disvadntage

some parents choose to send their children to private schools. Do the advantage of private schools outweigh the disvadntage 6Nk2G
There are a certain amount of parents who decide to send their children to private schools. In general, even though there are still some drawbacks, I strongly believe that it brings a number of benefits. On the one hand, Independent schools offer people several benefits. Firstly, Most independent schools provide challenging educational experiences through extracurricular activities. For an instant, Students often take part in extra activities to develop strong time-management skills in students. Secondly, Teachers in private schools have high expectations of their students. Therefore, They are willing to put in the time necessary to help their student succeed. Thirdly, Private schools are a higher chance to get into a good university after graduating and many special curricula for determining future careers. On the other hand, I believe that the aforementioned advantages are at the expense of greater drawbacks. Firstly, Private schools are extortionately expensive, and not every family has that kind of extra money to send to their child’s education. Secondly, Many private schools choose to have a teacher who is not fully trained. They accept several teachers just because they are capable of delivering the required knowledge of books. In conclusion, private schools play an instrumental role in partnering with parents to set their children up for success in college, so it seems to me that the downside of private schools are outweighed by its upside.
There are a certain
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of parents who decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In general
,
even though
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, I
strongly
believe that it brings a number of benefits.

On the one hand, Independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
several benefits.
Firstly
, Most independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide challenging educational experiences through extracurricular activities. For an instant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in extra activities to develop strong time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Secondly
, Teachers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have high expectations of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
, They are willing to put in the time necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
succeed.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a higher chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
university after graduating and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
special curricula for determining future careers.

On the other hand
, I believe that the aforementioned advantages are at the expense of greater drawbacks.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
extortionately
expensive, and not every family has that kind of extra money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to their child’s education.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
choose to have a teacher who is not
fully
trained. They accept several teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are capable of delivering the required knowledge of books.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play an instrumental role in partnering with parents to set their children up for success in college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it seems to me that the downside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are outweighed
by its upside.
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IELTS essay some parents choose to send their children to private schools. Do the advantage of private schools outweigh the disvadntage

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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