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Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? aPEo
Some group of parents are excessively lenient towards their children, by going to constant concessions and fulfilling any whim. This essay will discuss why it is not right method to bring up and review several, possible consequences that could be faced in the future by matured kid. First of all, it is essential to note that each style of parenting has drawbacks and benefits, therefore it will be ignorant to put labels and refer to the stereotypes. Currently, new generation became more willful and independent from parents, however most of people consider that is not proper trend, because kid doesn’t fell prohibitions from parents, due to indulgent way of bring up. Moreover, individuals become more spoiled and arrogant, owing to state, when they don’t know about forms of punishment and act as free as it possible in accordance with age. For instance, in appliance with research, which has been conducted by British Research Association: 37% of children absolutely don’t obey parents and 64% of parents consider that it is undoubtable that too lenient way of nurture will lead to negative effect in the future. Nevertheless, if the child continues to be raised in this way, then he will face significant problems eventually. Kid will grow up with abnormal values and with different point of view for many things, apparently he will collide with cruel, real world without help of parents. For example, lack of friends and necessary social skills due to a harmful and spoiled nature, difficulties to get what you want, since the child is used to getting everything by just one word. In addition, it could be unbearably difficult to change personal worldview, consequently person will adapt to lifestyle, where absolutely everything depends on himself. To conclude, this form of upbringing will lead to negative consequences to a greater extent, for this reason it is not the best way to educate a child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
excessively
lenient towards their children, by going to constant concessions and fulfilling any whim. This essay will discuss why it is not right method to bring up and review several, possible consequences that could
be faced
in the future by matured kid.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is essential to note that each style of parenting has drawbacks and benefits,
therefore
it will be ignorant to put labels and refer to the stereotypes.
Currently
, new generation became more willful and
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
however
most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
that is
not proper trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kid doesn’t fell prohibitions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, due to indulgent way of bring up.
Moreover
, individuals become more spoiled and arrogant, owing to state, when they don’t know about forms of punishment and act as free as
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
possible in accordance with age.
For instance
, in appliance with research, which has
been conducted
by British Research Association: 37% of children
absolutely
don’t obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and 64% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider that it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtable
that too lenient way of nurture will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect in the future.

Nevertheless
, if the child continues to
be raised
in this way, then he will face significant problems
eventually
. Kid will grow up with abnormal values and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things,
apparently
he will collide with cruel, real world without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, lack of friends and necessary social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
due to a harmful and spoiled nature, difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what you want, since the child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to getting everything by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one word.
In addition
, it could be
unbearably
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
personal worldview,
consequently
person will adapt to lifestyle, where
absolutely
everything depends on himself.

To conclude
, this form of upbringing will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
a greater extent,
for this reason
it is not the best way to educate a child.

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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