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Some parents buy their children a toy to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend .

Some parents buy their children a toy to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. g5kRg
Toys play a crucial role in children's life majority of parents buy their kids large numbers of toys for entertainment purposes. However, there are significant benefits and drawbacks. this essay will will be discussed both aspects in forthcoming paragraphs To commence with, the primary advantage is that toys enhance educational skills. Because some type of toys helpful for increasing useful skills. For example, Scrabble game is one of the most popular way to boost vocabulary and generating new ideas for education. It is commonly seen that such a children who give priority to play with these toys, who are smart than their peers. Another predominant pros is that nowadays, due to the hectic schedule, parents can not manage their work and sometimes they are unable to spend most of time with their childrens. therefore, they give preference to buy too much toys for their kids. Despite mentioned above positive arguments, this trend has numerous disadvantages. firstly, children may be become a introvert. In the past, toddlers used to play outdoor games with their friends. But now, children spend too much time playing non-living toys and also they play games alone. And some toys create a health problems like reaction on children's. Because majority of toys are made from less quality materials. one of the specific example is that China's product sell in market in large amount because they are purchase in cheap price. But these toys are made from less quality and quantity raw material. Hence, they create more problems in children's life. To conclude, although it has a predominant advantages such as kids learn useful techniques and enhance their knowledge. On the contrary, we cannot overlook it's disadvantages because too much playing with toys pay a bad effect on children's development. So parents should pay attention in kids life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
life majority of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their kids large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for entertainment purposes.
However
, there are significant benefits and drawbacks.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay
Possible typo: you repeated a word
will will
be discussed
both aspects in forthcoming paragraphs

To commence with, the primary advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
enhance educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
helpful for increasing useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, Scrabble game is one of the most popular
Please check whether a plural form of 'way' should be used.
way
to boost vocabulary and generating new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for education. It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, who are
Use "smarter" to make a comparison with this adjective.
smart
than their peers.

Another predominant pros is that nowadays, due to the hectic schedule, parents can not manage their work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are unable to spend
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, they give preference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their kids.

Despite mentioned above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
arguments, this trend has numerous disadvantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be become
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
introvert. In the past, toddlers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor games with their friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend too much time playing non-living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
also
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
games alone. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
create a health problems like reaction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are made
from less quality materials.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of the specific example is that China's product sell in market in large amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
price.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are made
from less quality and quantity raw material.
Hence
, they create more problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
life.

To conclude
, although it has a predominant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "advantage"?
advantages
such as kids learn useful techniques and enhance their knowledge.
On the contrary
, we cannot overlook
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
too much playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
pay a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
parents should pay attention in kids life.
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IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a toy to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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