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children should be raised in the countryside.

children should be raised in the countryside. Mq38a
In contrast, children who grow up in cities are often more agile because of their exposure to information technology at an early age. but their lives will have more pressure than children in urban areas because most parents put emphasis on education, so they are sent to school very early. which leads to a lack of social skills, they know nothing but study and cram in subjects they don't even like. Children need to grow up healthy and develop naturally, they need to really live like a child, not just to live under the heavy pressures that today's society puts on their shoulders. Not only that, most urban children are too passive because they almost obey the will of their parents and cannot decide their own life. They certainly won't have many good memories compared to rural children. But instead, due to their upbringing from a young age, most of them when they grow up are still good and successful people. On the contrary, rural children are too lethargic, without close supervision, so there are many children who are not useful to society when they grow up.
In contrast
,
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children
who
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grow
up in cities are
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often
more agile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their exposure to information technology at an early age.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will have more pressure than
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children
in urban areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most parents put emphasis on education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to school
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very
early.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
leads to a lack of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they know nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
study and cram in subjects they don't even like.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to
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grow
up healthy and develop
naturally
, they need to
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like a child, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under the heavy pressures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society puts on their shoulders. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, most urban
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children
are too passive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they almost obey the will of their parents and cannot decide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. They
certainly
won't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories compared to rural
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children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
instead
, due to their upbringing from a young age, most of them when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
On the contrary
, rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too lethargic, without close supervision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not useful to society when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
up.
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IELTS essay children should be raised in the countryside.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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