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Some old people continue to work after retirement age. Is it a positive or negative development?

Some old people continue to work after retirement age. Is it a positive or negative development? 8dq25
Some elderly prefer working after their retirement age to enjoying their longevity. Personally speaking, I favor the idea of people contributing to work until they have retired. In this essay, I am going to discuss the merits and the drawbacks of this argument. There are considerable benefits to working after retirement age. First of all, a continuous occupation could help the old cover their living expenses. Because there are some certain jobs which have a retirement pension such as the army, police and some companies have insurance for their labourers after they stop working, the others do not have this policy. Moreover, instead of staying at home regularly, people who keep working could find happiness. They meet and converse with their counterparts day- by- day, hence it is not tedious and lonely after old age. However, working after being retired could impact on their health. As all kinds of jobs always bring a large amount of stress for people like financial stress, agreement stress, so on etc. For instance, a goods company often focuses on their profit so they collaborate with many stakeholders to make profitable agreements. As a result, labourers have to work overtime and have lots of constraints. In conclusion, I think highly of people who keep contributing to their job after old age. But what matters most is they should relax after a long time of donating themselves for work and spend more time to cherish the family bonds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "elderlies"?
elderly
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after their retirement age to enjoying their longevity.
Personally
speaking, I favor the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contributing to work until they have retired. In this essay, I am going to discuss the merits and the drawbacks of this argument.

There are considerable benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after retirement age.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a continuous occupation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cover their living expenses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain jobs which have a retirement pension such as the army, police and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have insurance for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, the others do not have this policy.
Moreover
,
instead
of staying at home
regularly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
could find happiness. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and converse with their counterparts day- by- day,
hence
it is not tedious and lonely after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after
being retired
could impact on their health. As all kinds of jobs always bring a large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, agreement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on etc.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
focuses on their profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they collaborate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stakeholders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profitable agreements.
As a result
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime and have lots of constraints.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
highly
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contributing to their job after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what matters most is they should relax after a long time of donating themselves for work and spend more time to cherish the family bonds.
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IELTS essay Some old people continue to work after retirement age. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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