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Some offenders commit further as soon as they released from arrest. There could be several reasons why this is the case and I believe that there are long jail sentences for them, also other useful ways to do it. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some offenders commit further as soon as they released from arrest. There could be several reasons why this is the case and I believe that there are long jail sentences for them, also other useful ways to do it. 6DGl
Some offenders commit further as soon as they released from arrest. There could be several reasons why this is the case and I believe that there are long jail sentences for them, also other useful ways to do it. I have both ways to reduce crime. To begin there are various reasons why the hand-to-hand warfare of a prisoners released from prison. First and foremost, the biggest mistake the government made was not employing them after their release. For instance, criminals released in Kazakhstan are re-offending because they are not employed. Secondly, the crime rate is likely to fall if the state take strong measures to be tough on crime. Alternatively, in some states of Amerca, those who commit murder again are sometimes sentenced to capital punishment. Moreover there are several ways to prevent criminals from committing more murders. Firstly, the government should impose life imprisonment on offenders who do return to crime. Otherwise, they could commit many more crimes. Secondly, probationers and disciplined offenders should be reintegrated into society. They will have the opportunity to make a fresh life start and correct mistakes after they are released from prison. At the same time, the government should allocate money and provide employment to the poor part of the criminals. By the way to conclude, although the perpetrators will not return from the crime, some hope back to from the crime and be with their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
offenders commit
further
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from arrest. There could be several reasons why this is the case and I believe that there are long jail sentences for them,
also
other useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to do it. I have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
crime.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
there are various reasons why the hand-to-hand warfare of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a prisoner" or simply "prisoners"?
a prisoners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from prison.
First
and foremost, the biggest mistake the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made was not employing them after their release.
For instance
, criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
in Kazakhstan are re-offending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not employed.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is likely to fall if the state take strong measures to be tough on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Alternatively
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amerca
, those who commit murder again are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
sentenced to capital punishment.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
criminals from committing more murders.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose life imprisonment on offenders who do return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Otherwise
, they could commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Secondly
, probationers and disciplined offenders should
be reintegrated
into society. They will have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fresh life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and correct mistakes after they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
released
from prison. At the same time, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate money and provide employment to the poor part of the criminals.

By the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to conclude
, although the perpetrators will not return from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hope back to from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and be with their families.
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IELTS essay Some offenders commit further as soon as they released from arrest. There could be several reasons why this is the case and I believe that there are long jail sentences for them, also other useful ways to do it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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