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Some of them believe that history one of the most essential subject. the others think that, science and technology are more primary than history.

Some of them believe that history one of the most essential subject. the others think that, science and technology are more primary than history. 3L58m
Today’s many people argue about an education subjects which must be more important. Some of them believe that history one of the most essential subject that school must teach. However, the others think that, science and technology are more primary than history. I would discuss in this essay about the both views with my personal perspective. Some of people think that history is one of primary subject that school need to focus on it due the fact that will teach a young people to keep the legacy from our ancestor. For example, when I studied in my junior high school, my history teacher teach us about our National patriot, they had a spirit and determine to safe our country. From this simple example was encouraged me to have a same sprite like our patriot. This is one of the legacy that our former inherit to us and we need to keep it up and protect that as our culture. Moreover, learning history shape an ability of youngster to think creative and preventive. For other example, while I learnt about the sculpture art history in Europe that shape my creativity and courage me to found out about the way of former artist thinking in that moments. Therefore, learn history bring a beneficial for children to know their culture, legacy, and spirits from their former. Additionally, shape the creativity of a youngster. On the contrary, the other views are thinking that science and technology is more important to learn than history. Looking for the technology development, it is true that science and technology is still essential subject that must be learn in a school. In addition, with a sophisticated technology in today’s, that pursed a young children to learn more about natural science and technology. However, children need to learn about their history as their basics thinking to create and develop some a cutting-edge tech. For instance, with learning from the past that shapes our vision to resolve the problem that people are facing now. To make it clear, people make a modern technology based on the problem what people face it in past and today’s. Moreover, data from the past had an immense power to made a decision in the future. To sum, in my personal view, it is clear, the both opinions have a beneficial for a young children while they are pursuing their education. But, history as a mandatory basis of the way children thinking and acting in their community. Afterwards, they can develop that base into a science or technology.
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Today
’s
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many
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people
argue about an education
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subjects
which
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must
be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
one of the most essential
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subject
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
teach.
However
, the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more primary than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. I would discuss in this essay about the both views with my personal perspective.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is one of primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
need to focus on it due the fact that will teach a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the legacy from our ancestor.
For example
, when I studied in my junior high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
teacher teach us about our National patriot, they had a spirit and determine to safe our country. From this simple example
was encouraged
me to have a same sprite like our patriot. This is one of the legacy that our former inherit to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it up and protect that as our culture.
Moreover
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shape
an ability of youngster to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creative and preventive. For other example, while I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about the sculpture art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in Europe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shape
my creativity and courage me to found out about the way of former artist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
in that moments.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
bring a beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to know their culture, legacy, and spirits from their former.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shape
the creativity of a youngster.

On the contrary
, the other views are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Looking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
still
essential
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subject
that
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must
be
Consider using the past participle "learned", "learnt"?
learn
in a
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school
.
In addition
, with a sophisticated
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technology
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s, that pursed a young
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
to
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learn
more about natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
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technology
.
However
,
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children
need to
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learn
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as their basics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
to create and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
a cutting-edge tech.
For instance
, with learning from the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shapes
our vision to resolve the problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
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clear
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
based on the problem what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face it in past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s.
Moreover
, data from the past had an immense power to made a decision in the future.

To sum, in my personal view, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, the both opinions have a beneficial for a young
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
while they are pursuing their education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as a mandatory basis of the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
and acting in their community. Afterwards, they can develop that base into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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IELTS essay Some of them believe that history one of the most essential subject. the others think that, science and technology are more primary than history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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