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some of society believed that music have a good approaching to people with any cultures and ages to reunited.

some of society believed that music have a good approaching to people with any cultures and ages to reunited. 26B1b
Today’s so many genres of music that have a great lyrics and rhythm to united people from around the world. This make some of society believed that music have a good approaching to people with any cultures and ages to reunited. I would say I am totally agree with this opinion, music can bring people togetherness because they have a same view and taste about that songs or music. Moreover, to create a friendship with any people with different traditions and maturity. The reason why music can bring reunited because people feel the same and sometimes they are in the same of conditions, because of music, they can express their feeling each other without looking for someone nationality or ages. For example, in the last two years, that I went to DWP, this one of the biggest music performance in my countries, they showed with numerous international DJ and pop singer. Surprisingly, many attendees was came from other countries such as Singapore, Malaysia, and Australia. Moreover, any level of ages was attended into this shows. I felt togetherness with other people although there were a stranger, we can sang a song and danced together without any boundaries. Furthermore, that made strong our friendship to other people with any culture and ages. On the other hand, there are an opinion from other side that maybe other activities could bring united. For instance, sports such as football and basketball, those of sports are favourite show that can reunited people from any countries. However, they get a same feeling while they are watching the games. Compared to music, people enjoyed their feeling for long time, even after a month of the shows, when they are listening again that songs they going back to that moments. Moreover, the friendship that they are making while they are in this concert is more long lasting. To sum up, in my opinion, it is true that music can reunited people to other nationalities, cultures, and ages based on my personal experiences comparing to other activities the long term effect of music for friendship is more long lasting than other reunited activities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that have a great lyrics and rhythm to united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Consider using "some society" or "some of the society".
some of society
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approaching to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with any cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reunited
. I would say I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
togetherness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a same view and taste about that songs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
with any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traditions and maturity.

The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reunited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel the same and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are in the same of conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they can express their feeling each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
without looking for someone nationality or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
For example
, in the last two years, that I went to
Possible spelling mistake found.
DWP
, this one of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
performance in my countries, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
with numerous international DJ and pop singer.
Surprisingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attendees was
Consider using a past participle here: "come".
came
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries such as Singapore, Malaysia, and Australia.
Moreover
, any level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
was attended
into this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. I felt togetherness with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
although there were a stranger, we can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "sing"
sang
a song and danced together without any boundaries.
Furthermore
, that made strong our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with any culture and ages.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are an opinion from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side that maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities could bring united.
For instance
, sports such as football and basketball, those of sports are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reunited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from any countries.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a same feeling while they are watching the games. Compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoyed their feeling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time, even after a month of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, when they are listening again that songs
Did you mean "they're going", "they are going", or "they were going"?
they going
back to that moments.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
that they are making while they are in this concert is more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
.

To sum up, in my opinion, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reunited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nationalities, cultures, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
based on my personal experiences comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reunited
activities.
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IELTS essay some of society believed that music have a good approaching to people with any cultures and ages to reunited.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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