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Some information in films,books and on the Internet has bad influence on young people and even on society.  What are these bad influences and what should we do not prevent them?

Some information in films, books and on the Internet has bad influence on young people and even on society. What are these bad influences and what should we do not prevent them? 2rVWJ
Nowadays with the development of globalization media has a more and more important status in spread  and  communication.  However,  some drugs of  western  culture  are also  spread   into China,  just like the flies in the fresh air,  and they have great blights on the juvenile. First of all, the X-rated films affect the juvenile a lot. The erotic pictures are contaminating the children’s pure mind. This is a poison to their lovely lives. Secondly, the TV plays on violence movies lead the juvenile to go to the wrong way of their lives. In the recent years, if you open your TV set, many violent movies will meet your eyes everywhere. Since children s feeling is slight, they cannot undergo such fierce impact. Thirdly, it seems that bad news dominates the headlines of all kinds of media. It is no doubt that the juvenile who read these magazines will have a wrong worldview. To keep our juvenile  away from such ill factors and let them grow in a good environment,  the government  should take  the following measures.  Firstly,   examine the movies  imported carefully and limit the degrees strictly. Then tell people which kind of movie the juvenile  cannot see. In the meantime forbid the unhealthy magazines and books' issue. Secondly,  produce more programs which are good to juvenile on TV. They need salubrious programs and they need their own programs. Thirdly, improve the education of juvenile: not only teach them knowledge on science and technology,  but also tell them how to face difficulties.  Let them be­ come an outstanding and moral talent. In a word, there are still many disadvantages in the media and in our society, to which we must pay great attention. If we obviate them in proper ways, I believe, tomorrow will be better.
Nowadays with the development of globalization media has a more and more 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
 status in spread
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
communication.  
However
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drugs of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
western
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
culture
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
are
also
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
spread
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
into China,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
 like the flies in the fresh air,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and they have great blights on the juvenile.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the X-rated films affect the juvenile a lot. The erotic pictures are contaminating the children’s pure mind. This is a poison to their lovely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, the TV plays on violence movies lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
to go to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In the recent years, if you open your TV set,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
violent movies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
your eyes everywhere. Since children s feeling is slight, they cannot undergo such fierce impact.
Thirdly
, it seems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news dominates the headlines of all kinds of media. It is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
who read these magazines will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
worldview.

To 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
 our juvenile
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
away from such ill factors and 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
 them grow in a 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
 environment,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
should take
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
the following measures.  
Firstly
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
examine the movies
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
imported 
carefully
 and limit the degrees 
strictly
. Then 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
 which kind of movie the juvenile
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
cannot 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. In the meantime forbid the unhealthy magazines and books' issue.
Secondly
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
produce more programs which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
on TV. They need salubrious programs and they need their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
programs.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
: not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach them knowledge on science and technology,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
 
also
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
 them how to face difficulties.  
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
 them be­
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
 an outstanding and moral talent.

In a word, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages in the media and in our society, to which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay great attention. If we obviate them in proper ways, I believe, tomorrow will be better.
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IELTS essay Some information in films, books and on the Internet has bad influence on young people and even on society. What are these bad influences and what should we do not prevent them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some information in films,books and on the Internet has bad influence on young people and even on society.  What are these bad influences and what should we do not prevent them?