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Some individuals say that mobile is unnecessary for young group over other things that it's useful for young ones discuss both views and give your opinion

Some individuals say that mobile is unnecessary for young group over other things that it's useful for young ones discuss both views and give your opinion 85dDr
It is a debatable issue whether mobile phones are good for teenagers or not. Some individuals argued that it is unnecessary for young group. However, I favour the ones who opine that it is useful for young ones. I will discuss both the conflicting arguments in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, some people argued that mobile phones are bad things for children. There are quite reasons behind this. First and foremost is children give more attention to mobile phones rather than studies and social activities. To be more precise, if more students spend their time on mobile phones, then their academic performance will be low. A research is carried out in this direction revealed that 90% of students who uses the mobile phones at tremendous rate, they are often weak in their academic field. Moreover, teenagers see many vulnerable activities on internet. In other words, it will encourage them to attain bad habits in their own. For instance, many advertisements are present on youtube and social sites based on vulnerable activities, it encourages them to do same and become culprit of the society. However, I favour the ones you reckon that mobile phones are good for the development of teenagers. One of the most vivid reason is mobile inculcate motor skills in children. They do a lot of practical activities on it which they cannot obtain from other resources rather than technological gadgets. To exemplify, most of the children spend their time on playing the games on phones which teach them to handle a situation. When they play puzzle games, it will boost their level of thinking and try to solve their this by various ways. Besides this, mobile phones are the source of vast knowledge. Nowdays, most of the children use internet on mobile, it will help them to understand the academic topic as well as other social topics. Due to this, we can get profound knowledge about any topics. For example, if they use internet in their studies, they will get 20% more marks than others who do not use. To recapitulate, after analysing aforementioned, it can be deduced that although other individuals think that mobile phones influence them to walk on bad path but I believe that it is it is necessary thing for young children and leads them to get achievements.
It is a debatable issue whether mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argued that it is unnecessary for young group.
However
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who opine that it is useful for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I will discuss both the conflicting arguments in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are quite reasons behind this.
First
and foremost is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
give more attention to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
rather
than studies and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To be more precise, if more students spend their time on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, then their academic performance will be low.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
is carried
out in this direction revealed that 90% of students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at tremendous rate, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
weak in their academic field.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on internet. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it will encourage them to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisements are present on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
social
sites based on vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it encourages them to do same and become culprit of the society.

However
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
you reckon that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. One of the most vivid
Please check whether a plural form of 'reason' should be used.
reason
is mobile inculcate motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on it which they cannot obtain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resources
rather
than technological gadgets. To exemplify, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their time on playing the games on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which teach them to handle a situation. When they play puzzle games, it will boost their level of thinking and try to solve their this by various ways.
Besides
this, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are the source of vast knowledge.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet on mobile, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the academic topic
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social topics. Due to this, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profound knowledge about any topics.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet in their studies, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
20% more marks than others who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

To recapitulate, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
aforementioned, it can
be deduced
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
influence them to walk on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that it is it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a necessary" or "is an necessary"
is necessary
thing for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
achievements.
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IELTS essay Some individuals say that mobile is unnecessary for young group over other things that it's useful for young ones discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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