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Some folks think learning about music is essential part of our life, while it is considered useless by others. In my opinion, music is necessary to develop the mindset of the students in the society.

Some folks think learning about music is essential part of our life, while it is considered useless by others. In my opinion, music is necessary to develop the mindset of the students in the society. RkewY
For many people including myself music play a major role in everyday life listening to music or playing an instrument might help to moving pass stress, anxiety which are significant issues in the society and those could trigger depression, anger, irritability and a negative impact in school performance. These physiological problems could be caused by heavy workloads at school as well as personal problems. Is it known that the music releases neurochemicals that are vital for a healthy life that are dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin which are related with human pleasure immunity and happiness Music is something that also has to be with the identity for every culture there are different type of music who identify a specific group of people or ethnicity. Music also makes people proud of who they are by letting know their culture around the world thought it. This actively demonstrated that music is important as a subject in school to expand the knowledge of students about other countries and subsequently make people more open to different kind of traditions and races. To conclude music help to improve the mental of the youngsters. Therefore, I believe it should be an important part of the curriculum, which can cause a huge impact on student development.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including myself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play a major role in everyday life listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or playing an instrument might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to moving pass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety which are significant issues in the society and those could trigger depression, anger, irritability and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in school performance. These physiological problems could
be caused
by heavy workloads at school
as well
as personal problems. Is it known that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
releases
Possible spelling mistake found.
neurochemicals
that are vital for a healthy life that are dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin which
are related
with human pleasure immunity and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happiness


Music is something that
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be with the identity for every culture there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
who identify a specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or ethnicity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
proud of who they are by letting know their culture around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it. This
actively
demonstrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as a subject in school to expand the knowledge of students about other countries and
subsequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more open to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of traditions and races.

To conclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
The phrase 'the mental of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the mental of
the youngsters.
Therefore
, I believe it should be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the curriculum, which can cause a huge impact on student development.
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IELTS essay Some folks think learning about music is essential part of our life, while it is considered useless by others. In my opinion, music is necessary to develop the mindset of the students in the society.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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