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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? 7V7n
Nowadays, languages are very important to humanity since it uses for communacation. There are many language in the world, and a lot of country have their own. In addition, English language have been accepted to be world’s language. Although, learning before ages can impacts on stressful problem but knowleage of languages can leads children to be a successful person. Firstly, occasionally human must grow enough to learn some thing otherwise children might face a lot of pressure on learning. Learning are using a lot of energy and brain. Normallly of children can learn a little in each day. Therefore, If parents force their children learn to much. The tension can leads to insomnia problem, introvert personnal, or be unhappiness person. For example, many ministry of learning agree about children should learn no more than 5 hr per day because children should spend time with family more than learning for they will grow as happy person. Secondly, Majority of person who know many languages are successful people. Many descriptions of jobs are required second languages or English language skills. There is a lot of advantages if their have that knowledge. They can go everywhere in the world if they know how to communicate Moreover, they will more confident to speak out what in their mind and that leads to successful habits. For example, A research of all successful person or business people showed they have known more than 1 languages. Furthermore most of successful people always gave advice to news about learning many languages help them succeed. In conclusion, I believe children should know more than one language because it good for their life but parents should be careful and keep in mind about learning before ages can affect to body and mind of children as well.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to humanity since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
communacation
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the world, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of country have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In addition
, English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
to be world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Although,
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learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ages can impacts on stressful problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowleage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person.

Firstly
,
occasionally
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Did you mean "something"?
some thing
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pressure on learning.

Learning are using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of energy and brain.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Normallly
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in each day.
Therefore
, If parents force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Did you mean "too"?
to
much. The tension can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to insomnia problem, introvert
Possible spelling mistake found.
personnal
, or be unhappiness person.

For example
,
Possible agreement error. The noun ministry seems to be countable; consider using: "many ministries".
many ministry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to agree"
agree
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
no more than 5 hr per day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend time with family more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
for they will grow as happy person.

Secondly
,
It seems that an article is missing.
Majority of
person who know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
descriptions of jobs
are required
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
or English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages if their have that knowledge. They can go everywhere in the world if they know how to communicate
Moreover
, they will more confident to speak out what in their mind and that leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
habits.

For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
of all
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successful
person or business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
they have known more than 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always gave advice to news about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them succeed.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should know more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents should be careful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ages can affect to body and mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
.
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IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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