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Some experts believe that if a country already rich, additional economic wealth cannot make its citizens happier. Do you agree or disagree.

Some experts believe that if a country already rich, additional economic wealth cannot make its citizens happier. YRyor
It is a highly debatable issues that a developed countries economic make a people happier or not. A number of geniuses think that additional economic wealth is most importance to country’s people lives happy. However others believe that economy wealth cannot play any role to make happier citizens. I partially agree with the given nation. To begin with, there are profuse ways that communities need to be happy apart from wealth. First, education is most important key role to development of the nation. A good educated people are more happy, they find easily job and live happy with their family life. Second, crime, think about a wealthy nation or a developed country which is already wealthy but his civilizations commit more crime in country. For example, Cuba who’s people is happier in the world because its crime rate is less than 1% in the world. Last but not least, good medical treatment also important for civilization. A country which moist of the people are facing some kinds of illness or there civilisation spread diseases in nation there happy. On the other hand, it is true that most of the countries economic develop through other sources like, tourism, MNC Company and import exports. All this are back bone of many economic of the nations. There are numerous countries depend on the tourism and travelling. Their people earn wages trough working as taxi driver or tour guide. Second, more and more MNC company comes and open doors for employment and it’s reduce the unemployment rate of that nation. Many MNC company and tourism industry pay high taxes to that particular nation. It is true that taxes can run the nation. Government use this tax money better education, health and many other facilities which people needs. For example, Malaysia, earn lots of money through their tourism industry and tax which they impose on tourism. To conclude, rich and developed countries provide some basic facilities to their citizens like, food, health and education. However without extra income or sources it cannot be possible for every time.
It is a
highly
debatable issues that a developed
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "country"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier or not. A number of geniuses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
wealth is most importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
others believe that economy wealth cannot play any role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
happier citizens. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
nation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are profuse ways that communities need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
apart from wealth.
First
, education is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
key role to development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, they find
easily
job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with their family life. Second, crime,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
or a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which is already wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his civilizations commit more crime in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Cuba
Did you mean "whose"?
who’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
happier in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its crime rate is less than 1% in the world. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical treatment
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for civilization. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which moist of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of illness or there
Do not mix variants of the same word ('civilisation' and 'civilization') within a single text.
civilisation
spread diseases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
there happy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is true that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
develop through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
and import exports. All
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean "these are", "this is" or "this was"?
this are
back bone of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and travelling. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn wages trough working as taxi driver or tour guide. Second, more and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
and open doors for employment and it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment rate of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry pay high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
can run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "uses".
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
money better education, health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
.
For example
, Malaysia, earn lots of money through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
which they impose on tourism.

To conclude
, rich and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic facilities to their citizens like, food, health and education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
without extra income or sources it cannot be possible for every time.
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IELTS essay Some experts believe that if a country already rich, additional economic wealth cannot make its citizens happier.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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