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some exercises are harmful for the body

some exercises are harmful for the body m3Gwr
Nowadays, human's need to be fit and healthy by knowing the negative impacts of this era's sedentary life style has made him to invent various sports and activities, although some of them have an ancient root. It is claimed that many of them can be hazardous to your body and being unaware of them can cause serious problems for sportsmen/women. I partially agree with this point of view and in this essay, I will explore my justifications for sticking to such belief. To begin with, opponents of this opinion argue that progress in technology has made many gears which using them goes a long way in protecting us from any possible injury while doing exercise. This is because they say suitable shoes, proper gloves, safe helmets and appropriate ropes are some of the examples made to not only provide us with sweet experience of leisure time, but also enjoy the consequent health benefits coming from it. In contrast supporter of this view think that not only long-term effects of many sports are difficult to determine and needs an expertized knowledge about each movement, but also some events aren't preventable when practicing exercise. One instance for this comes from my own experience. I think I'm suffering from scoliosis and in order to fix that, I tried to stretch my arm by seating on chair and trying to push up its bottom by my left hand and despite pass of nearly five month my shoulder has an excruciating pain as a result of it. To exemplify incidents in sport, I would refer to an avalanche that happened last year in Tehran, killing 12 people, two of my friends being among them. However, they could have expected such things, but in case of having fear of them, we shouldn't even move. To summarize, although personal protective equipment has made sporting an enjoyable experience, but many dangers come from inexorable factors. Personally, I believe as long as we observe safety regulations, follow the news about probable disasters in the area of target and consult with a specialist before doing a sport movement and using any sport facility, not only we can avoid adverse effects of them but also their benefits well outweigh their risks.
Nowadays, human's need to
be fit
and healthy by knowing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this era's sedentary life style has made him to invent various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and activities, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have an ancient root. It
is claimed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them can be hazardous to your body and being unaware of them can cause serious problems for sportsmen/women. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and in this essay, I will explore my justifications for sticking to such belief.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, opponents of this opinion argue that progress in technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gears which using them goes a long way in protecting us from any possible injury while doing exercise. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they say suitable shoes, proper gloves, safe helmets and appropriate ropes are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
examples made to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide us with sweet experience of leisure time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoy the consequent health benefits coming from it.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
supporter of this view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
long-term effects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are difficult to determine and needs an
Possible spelling mistake found.
expertized
knowledge about each movement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
aren't preventable when practicing exercise. One instance for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I'm suffering from scoliosis and in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
that, I tried to stretch my arm by seating on chair and trying to push up its bottom by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
hand and despite pass of
nearly
five
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
my shoulder has an excruciating pain
as a result
of it. To exemplify incidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, I would refer to an avalanche that happened last year in Tehran, killing 12
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, two of my friends being among them.
However
, they could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
such things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in case of having fear of them, we shouldn't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.

To summarize
, although personal protective equipment has made sporting an enjoyable experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from inexorable factors.
Personally
, I believe as long as we observe safety regulations, follow the news about probable disasters in the area of target and consult with a specialist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
movement and using any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facility, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we can avoid adverse effects of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their benefits well outweigh their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
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IELTS essay some exercises are harmful for the body

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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