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Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. VWDQ
Imagine that you are running a renowned and prestigious company, what steps you will take for motivating your employees to hustel with full commitment. Mostly all the leading companies are doing their best to provide a convenient and favorable work environment. In my view all the organisations should take into consideration intrinsic and extrinsic motivation as they are recruiting and hiring various individuals who have different values, education and mindset. For extrinsic motivation employers and HR departments applays incentives, such as perks, financial rewards, promotions, bonuses, ongoing training and etc. Intrinsic motivation comes within the person as they get satisfaction from their job, have a whale of time in that office, on the top of that are having personal growth and etc. From my point of view, the employers who provide their staff subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs aiming to ensure work/life balance terms. Nowadays, all the people are keen on going to the gym which helps them to unwind after hard work and to let go of the stress and hard days. According to the studies, physical activities are pretty effective for mental health which aids to sleep peacefully and deeply, moreover gain energy. On top of that it is an awesome idea for creating a good team environment, it is not a secret that spending time together not in working hours bonds people as they are exploring their colleges’ interests. In contrast, some companies believe that their employees should work with intrinsic motivation. Apparently, in their company the employees are satisfied and are working enthusiastically and with passion. In my opinion, they have created a strong team and atmosphere. On the other hand, I think they applied it and experienced not target-resulted performance that’s why they don’t see any asset and productivity. However everyone likes to be rewarded and employees admit that they feel appreciated by their organisation, it feels that the company is caring and grateful to the employees. In a nutshell, I would say that employees should conduct discussions, get feedback on subsidising membership of gyms and sports clubs to their employees or not. People in life do admire feeling that their voices are heard, their ideas and feedback are requested and they are the change in their company
Imagine that you are running a renowned and prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, what steps you will take for motivating your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
hustel
with full commitment.
Mostly
all the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are doing their best to provide a convenient and favorable work environment.

In my view all the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should take into consideration intrinsic and extrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
as they are recruiting and hiring various individuals who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
values, education and mindset. For extrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
employers and HR departments
Possible spelling mistake found.
applays
incentives, such as perks, financial rewards, promotions, bonuses, ongoing training
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

Intrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
within the person as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction from their job, have a whale of time in that office, on the top of that are having personal growth
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

From my point of view, the employers who provide their staff
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidised' is British English.
subsidised
membership of gyms and sports clubs aiming to ensure work/life balance terms. Nowadays, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen on going to the gym which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to unwind after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
go of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
days. According to the studies, physical activities are pretty effective for mental health which aids to sleep
peacefully
and
deeply
,
moreover
gain energy.
On top of that
it is an awesome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for creating a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
team environment, it is not a secret that spending time together not in working hours bonds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they are exploring their colleges’ interests.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should work with intrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
.
Apparently
, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are satisfied
and are working
enthusiastically
and with passion. In my opinion, they have created a strong team and atmosphere.
On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they applied it and experienced not target-resulted performance that’s why they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any asset and productivity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
everyone likes to
be rewarded
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
admit that they feel appreciated by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, it feels that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is caring and grateful to the employees.

In a nutshell, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should conduct discussions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feedback on
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidising' is British English.
subsidising
membership of gyms and sports clubs to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
or not.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in life do admire feeling that their voices
are heard
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and feedback are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
requested and
they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
company
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IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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