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Some educationalists think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school .To what extent do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Some educationalists think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school. WbLb
Education is the foremost fountain of everyone life and considered as passport to success and every country dream that their youth must have better education, For this purpose foreign exchange visit program is introduced for the welfare of the country and youth. This exchange is more beneficial and I believe that it have more merits instead of demerits. This essay will highlight the benifits and disadvantages. Firstly, international exchange visit will benefit to the teens, it increase the knowledge of the students because when the children go to another country for visit there they learn different things such as culture, value, langauge of another nation. The another importance of these programs become the students more independent, In india mostly every child depends on their parents they have no decision making power, If they visit foreign they are able to tolerate diverse situation and also become more confident. In addition to study material provided by the teacher, and students puts less efforts to brief study, but these programs able to develop highly recommended skill of research. On the contrary, every coins have two faced so these programs have drawbacks. As I stated that children will be more independent but if they become, the values of parents decision being meaningless, despite of it, more confidence provide wrong path to the children and they get into bigger problem. It can be said by someone "one wrong decision made by person suffer whole life". To conclude, it can be denied that evey thing have its own importance and disadvantages. Moreover, it will be more beneficial to count the advantages as these can be gained by plentiful pupils.
Education is the foremost fountain of everyone life and considered as passport to success and every country dream that their youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have better education, For this purpose foreign exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is introduced
for the welfare of the country and youth. This exchange is more beneficial and I believe that it have more merits
instead
of demerits. This essay will highlight the
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
and disadvantages.

Firstly
, international exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
will benefit to the teens, it
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
the knowledge of the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the children go to another country for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
there they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things such as culture, value,
Possible spelling mistake found.
langauge
of another nation. The another importance of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
become the students more independent, In
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
The phrase 'mostly every' is colloquial. In formal/ written English you should avoid it. Use "almost every" instead!
mostly every
child depends on their parents they have no
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
power, If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
foreign they are able to tolerate diverse situation and
also
become more confident.
In addition
to study material provided by the teacher, and students puts
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts to brief study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
able to develop
highly
recommended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of research.
On the contrary
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "coin"?
coins
have two faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have drawbacks. As I stated that children will be more independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they become, the values of parents decision being meaningless,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
it, more confidence provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into bigger problem. It can
be said
by someone
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision made by person suffer whole life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
To conclude
, it can
be denied
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
evey
thing have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and disadvantages.
Moreover
, it will be more beneficial to count the advantages as these can
be gained
by plentiful pupils.
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IELTS essay Some educationalists think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at the school.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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