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Some developed countries now have unemployment problem. Why do people still want to immigrate to this country?

Some developed countries now have unemployment problem. Why do people still want to immigrate to this country? gWrNg
Recently Corona pandemic left their effects on many countries, in between developed companies have to release their best employers reason of that no work or several lockdowns. Rather than people love to relocate in those of spares and want to devote their entire life. Rather than people love to relocate in those of spares and want to devote their entire life. In my further paragraphs, I will explain my all opinion. To begin with, well-known nations already attracted the people by there's environment and many of things. Moreover, the person's perspective about the developed region is first of all conventional life, live in good nature and also in the education sector. For example, most of the Indian students looking college for their better knowledge and further opportunity. In addition, after students obtain a International degree they can lead their life and as a examplers for who next want that platform. Furthermore, if countries are suffering from economic downturn or anything else. Although, its not a huge crisis for developed countries in the fact that those nations have the capacity to overcome in all occurs in a year. For instance, China has been also affected by covid 19 but in the past six months there's government recover all the losses and who one's lost their job again received in a high payout. Consequently poor countries person emphasis to their children or themselves to do a work in the developed countries. In conclusion, overseas nation have a brilliant ability by the economy for serve themselves in hazardous situation and also provide better facility who one there for the study, work or anything of purpose.
Recently Corona pandemic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, in between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
release their best employers reason of that no work or several lockdowns.
Rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to relocate in those of spares and want to devote their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to relocate in those of spares and want to devote their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my
further
paragraphs, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my all opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, well-known nations already attracted the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by there's environment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of things.
Moreover
, the person's perspective about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
region is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nature and
also
in the education sector.
For example
, most of the Indian students looking college for their better knowledge and
further
opportunity.
In addition
, after students obtain
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
International degree they can lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplers
for who
next
want that platform.

Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are suffering from economic downturn or anything else. Although, its not a huge crisis for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the fact that those nations have the capacity to overcome in all occurs in a year.
For instance
, China has been
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the past six months there's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
recover all the losses and
Did you mean "who ones"?
who one's
lost their job again received in a high payout.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
poor
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
person emphasis to their children or themselves to do a work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
countries.

In conclusion
, overseas nation have a brilliant ability by the economy for serve themselves in hazardous situation and
also
provide better facility
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a one".
who one
there for the study, work or anything of purpose.

IELTS essay Some developed countries now have unemployment problem. Why do people still want to immigrate to this country?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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